Reviews for Happily Never After
Chasing Skylines chapter 1 . 4/26/2009
I liked the way you melded all your words together. It was original and I felt it worked in good effect.

I also liked the last lines of each stanza because of the way they are alone and contrast.

- Review Marathon, link in profile
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 11/22/2008
I love the way you melded the words together. The way I read them had a forceful tone to it, which went well with your meaning.

I don't know if this was intentional, but I liked how the beginning parts sounded more like a fairytale or love story because it really intensified the impact at the end with modern realities such as "divorce."

~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)
Caecilia chapter 1 . 8/10/2008
I really like the style of your writing here. How you run the words together is unique, and I like it. The upsidedown triangle in each paragraph is also cool.

Sorry for the lack of crit, I can't find anything to critique...

~Congrats on 1st place in Review Marathon July, sorry for the lateness

~~ Caecilia
MagicalThinking chapter 1 . 7/20/2008
aw...this is sad but again a lovely piece-i love how you organized this, putting the words together like that just gave it a rush; a rush of confusion, and how fast the time just flies before the end

lovely work; keep it up! _
Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 7/6/2008
Review marathon prize!

Overall I actually quite enjoyed this piece. The structure works to give it a great rhythm and flow. It also makes it quite "aesthetically pleasing" which again is something I enjoy in written poetry.

All that said, I do think some of the wording could've been more specific/vivid. I know that's a typical criticism of mine but I also believe that when writing love poetry you need to spice up the wording because so much has already been said before. I did like "punchinthestomach" and the modification of "happilyneverafter" but phrases like "headoverheels" and the simplicity of simply "pain" detracted from the imagery for me.

Still, again, I really enjoyed how you played around with structure and meshing the phrases into words. Kudos.

Midnight
lymli chapter 1 . 6/10/2008
I think its funny and cute, a first love feeling.
a silenced revolution chapter 1 . 6/8/2008
Congratulations on winning the review marathon. Here's one of your prize reviews.

I like the idea of the poem; I'm sure it's a thought that many other people of had.

I don't like that the words in the second to last line of every stanza are smashed together. I think it's a good effect in the other lines where you do this, as it gives the impression that the action is happening radidly. However, in the case of "weddedbliss" and "bitterdivorce" I think the words are so short that they'd be better left separated.

Overall, it kind of bothers me that the whole piece is two questions. I think some declarative sentences might improve it, not that it's bad as is.

~Adrian
Lime-Cat chapter 1 . 3/21/2008
Ahh..shoot! I interpreted wrong! Ok, let me redeem myself...

the REAL freebie review!

I was a little thrown off by the format of this when I first read it, but as I kept going, I saw how this poem is supposed to be read - i must say that it's BRILLIANT! )

comma after 'once' in the third stanza. In the first half, I read it with the three lines in between the first and last line of each stanza as descriptions to have "Why does it seem that love always dissipates into pain?" But I can't see the exact same for the latter half of the poem...I see: "For once(,) can't it be together instead of the inevitable alone?"

It makes a little sense, but it sounds awkward to me. I also like how you mirror all the description lines with their opposites in each alternating stanza...very clever, indeed.

This is a very original poem on a everyday topic. Excellent job, Min-tin!

~lime
alluringdarkness7809 chapter 1 . 3/3/2008
The layout of this poem was very nice ,

Everything in this poem went together very nicely.

Like I said before keep writing

Your poetry is extreamly good.
Magnus Wolfbane chapter 1 . 2/29/2008
This is good. I don't see anything wrong with it. i just don't like it. I guess it's just that while I like the intresting format for these words you picked the wrong words. well thats how it seems to me anyways.

Keep it up!

:)
Fractured Illusion chapter 1 . 2/27/2008
Hola, winner of the Review Marathon! :D Your stamina shall be rewarded by review ambush! Nyahah!

Okay, first I gotta say I like the...what is it called? - anyhow the way it looks. On first glance, i am interested. Your stanzas are all the same, and it's repetitive in a nice way. :)

I liked the poem itself, because there was just something special about it! The way you describe each stage of love with these three stages of a relationship just were delivered well.

No bad comment :)

- Frac (haha, I almost spelled it "Farc" haha)
XxXKristie MarieXxX chapter 1 . 2/22/2008
Yes I wonder why to. Everyone just wants a happily ever after... This is very good. Keep writing!

XKristie MarieX
tearing hands chapter 1 . 2/18/2008
I loved how you used run-on words to show the contrast between the beginning of the marriage and the end. Good job!
UponAtlas chapter 1 . 2/11/2008
This is really good. And so very true.

Keep writing.
ce n'est pas que je m'appelle chapter 1 . 2/9/2008
Oh my, I absolutely adore the bittersweet tone in this. The spacing also adds that extra punch. This is beautiful, added to favs!

Thx for the review!
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