Honestly, I write poetry on here and I've really put effort into my titles and summaries without asking people to write and review. But giving minor expressions of tags etc.
I have NO reviews on my works and barely any views, its really disheartening. Nobody follows me either

I am offended Indian names aren't so long. I am an Indian and my first name contains 7 letters and my last name contains 9 letters which is a total of 16 letters . Okay on second thoughts
That is long.

Well, I took your advice and did some maths but my parents did not think it a good enough reason to go online *pouts and goes to the corner of the room to sulk* . In case you were curious you got approximately 7.8947368421 reviews each chapter and no , I did not use a calculator to do this! *grins*Hey! I am telling the truth! I am insulted that you don't believe me.

I agree with most of what you said. I have to work on self marketing to promote my story and be proud of it. I have 16 views on my Captain Eo fanfiction, but no reviews or follows.

This is so true. Good job writing it up.

This is awesome! And so brutally true.

"If you have constructive criticism on your piece, that's a no-no. It means someone has said something bad about your story." Are you serious? On an amateur writing site? For people roughly between the ages of 14 and 25 (with a few exceptions)? It's the constructive part that makes receiving the criticism a positive experience, you know that, right? People write on this site to a) have fun and be creative, b) share what they create and c) improve their writing. Where else to do it?
Also, rating a story based on the amount of reviews it's received? You must not know the difference between quality and quantity.

I wouldn't be this scathing if it wasn't for the dozens of spelling and grammar mistakes in this guide. Maybe you need some constructive criticism yourself? Here, I'll give it to you:

Hi author! This is a great guide, I laughed my ass off during the whole first chapter, your sass is really something. Love the insertion of humour, don't love the spelling and grammar mistakes. Maybe use a filter next time? It would greatly improve your readers' experience (and their desire to keep reading). Also, chapter three was ridiculous, for reasons spelled out above.

Sorry, I'm going to have to disagree with you for Chapter 3.
While of course it's great to have a wholly positive review, constructive criticism is the reason a lot of people come here. Saying that people shouldn't include constructive criticism because it means mentioning that there's something they didn't like about the story undermines the entire purpose of the site.

I am sad to admit that I often say things like "My first story" and all. However, nice one, and you relaly showed us!

This... this was hilarious.

Love this

I so agree with you on the Supernatural part. You know why that is? It was all Stephanie Myer, ((if the spellings wrong, I'm sorry.)), fault. -_- If you get what I mean...

Witty and enlightening yet your stigmatisation of AIDS is disheartening as well as wholly problematic and just as embarrassing as the examples you have given of other authors.

I have read only the first four chapters of your essay and they amused me to no end. Nice work :)

Seriously something like First fic,Please review,I suck at summary, etc didn't tick me off like others might be cuz I did it too and what you said kinda stab me in the heart though but gotta admit it most of is true and it's cool,helpful in some something like MxM,slash,etc is pretty helpful.I'm sure you know it too so I'm not going to flame or whatever even if I don't completely agree with I'm saying is keep going.