Reviews for 1: The Younger Series: Sam and Cole
Kiveda chapter 15 . 1/22/2012
Hey, nice story, but you need to put in some conflict. It's too - I think the word is simply - HAPPY. There has to be SOMETHING some obstacle, problem, misunderstanding, SOMETHING to keep the reader reading!

Good Luck!

Kiveda
ReadWriteLive chapter 1 . 2/3/2008
Hi there,

I think the story has potential, but a few suggestions...

"4:30 rolled around early right around Christmas time."

It is odd to start a sentence like that, and also, put down if it is am or pm.

"Cole looked at them for a long minute before saying"

put a comma after saying (and for every other time as well)

"“You boy’s best get moving!"

boys...boy's means one boy owns something (ie "the boy's ball")

"Cole’s maid of sorts shook her head"

perhaps... "Cole's housekeeper for several years shook her head"

"otherwise you’re stuck here cleaning out the barn.”"

perhaps add "at the end of the day" to "the barn" since he'll need every hand to help with the branding. (although, just a note, running a ranch means someone will be doing that chore, along with every other one...so I'd suggest finding something extra like "otherwise you'll be polishing all the saddles at the end of the day.")

Also, if he's been working (insinuated all by himself) for 10 years then he's probably older than 25...I'd make him at least 28... and I'd also say something like: "He had worked hard for the past ten years since his father and mother died when he was only 18. It had taken a lot of work and sacrifice to get the place up and running and he was proud of himself." Just to give him a back story of WHY he's been doing it for so long and is still so young.

"pushing Spear into a run"

horses walk, trot, or gallop...use those words instead of run
Lady of Confusion chapter 15 . 2/1/2008
Its interesting. i liked it lol
Estelin chapter 15 . 1/30/2008
this story was excellent. keep up the wonderful writing and work.
Seraph.Annebelle chapter 15 . 1/30/2008
oh that is so sweet i'm not sure if i like the the second one more or this one its a tough one well i'm going to go read more of them great job on it :)
The Forgotten Angel chapter 15 . 1/29/2008
Wow I can't believe this got only 2 reviews. It definitely deserves more. I absolutely loved this. Seriously I couldn't stop reading it was so cute. I loved it! It was amazing!

Vivi
rosette2299 chapter 6 . 1/28/2008
This is excellent and your wrinting is really interesting and I hope you continue to write.
venetia20 chapter 15 . 1/28/2008
so did you just edit nd repost this?