great chapter!

Tee-hee, Lord Vincent the detective... oh my god, I'm sorry, I just got this image of Vincent doing detective-y things... like Javert from Les Miserables... and I found that immensely funny, yes indeed.

This story is fantastic, I love it, and I'm glad you finally updated! THANK YOU!

Answers:

1. Erm... yeah, a bit.

2. Not really. I mean if you were taking a break from this, it would make sense. As long as you don't neglect TSO, I wouldn't really care...

Questions/Comments:

1. So, Kavour hates himself? Or whoever he saw in the mirror?

Oh lord, I hope he doesn't go all emo-cakes on us...

2. When does Jasperian get back from his... uh, whatever? I don't remember if you set a date in the story or not.

Please, update more often! I had almost forgotten what happened in the previous chapters.

what has Duncan done to make the captain of the guards so loyal to him? It doesn't seem like anyone would like him yet we've seen two instances where they support him over other nobles. It was a good chapter. ~jlr

Hi! & woot another update! :P

Aargh Adrianne is such a little princess! Too bad she doesn't get stripped of her royalty and forced to work as a slave or something! Lol

As usual the chapter was really good! Haha

- Some parts were a little confusing but it all sorta clicked together in the end so no need too worry!

- I dont think you needn't bother making another account, it would be fine to post your recent work on the original, it would be alot easier to just have all your work on one account!

Can't wait for the next Chapter!

Great chapter! It's amazing to see how you progressed. This was a great turning point for the Outlaws. I was really impressed to see you handle the situation in the beginning, also at the end. It makes me picture the exact way that nobles would act. It wasn't confusing (not really), but I do hope nothing terrible happens to Arnae. Didn't Mirium already get whipped once? That's got to suck :/ Good luck with the next chapter! I'm waiting with baited breath for it.

Oh, no, you shouldn't need to make a new account. I'd be greatly interested to see other, recent works by you. I really admire the way you can easily shift transitions and describe scenes in a concise way, but still action packed!

Is Adrienne a drug addict? Or might she have over dosed in an attempt to gain strength? Jasperian seems like a very manipulative and suspicious person. Does he have some one watching Arnae's every move?

Wow, I must say my head is spinning a little from the rush of info from this chapter.

Or maybe that's just my cold.

I'm shocked Fayanne is playing such a big role in this, I'm not completely sure if I understood all Arnae was saying she discovered about her, but I think I got most of it.

Honestly I was a bit shocked at Kavour's reaction to Adrianne's condition and Fayanne's refusal, but upon thinking, I suppose it makes a lot of sense. This sentence has been bothering me a bit though:

'If Adrianne died, then she – Arnae – would never be queen of Arylla.'

For all the trouble she went through and everything she did and said, coupled with all we know about her and her personality, I don't think Arnae would truly do it for such a thing. That sentence, its just very, very cold, almost a bit..evil all most? I don't know a word to describe it but, thats a really horrible thought to think.

I love the chapter's end! Especially since I love cliffhangers! Assuming its the castle guards/soldiers/whatever attacking, why are they attacking? Because 2 slaves are out when they shouldn't be? Because they've discovered Kavour's involvement with the Sylvian Outlaws? Perhaps even because they want to prevent the recovery of Adrianne?

Oh and I didn't think about this much before but how are the character's names pronounced? Particularly Adrianne? I've always sort of thought of it was A(long a)-dree-ah-nay, but I have a feeling I'm wrong. I think I've gotten Arnae wrong as well, I think of it as 'Ar-nay' but then, it might be Ar-ni' (long i), or something completely different.

I've always kinda wanted pronunciation keys so I'd get the names the way the author wanted them, particularly in books with uncommon names. The feeling only intensified after reading Eragon, because it DOES have a pronunciation key, its quite helpful. :D Gah, went off on a tangent again, anyway, can't wait for the next chapter! ;D Sorry I took so long to review this one!

I have enjoyed reading what you have of your story so far.

Your characters are very well built and I can sympathize with them, except the two dimensional Duncan, but he's fine just the way he is. Jasperian and the slave master are the other two exceptions but they are for different reasons. The slave master is a slave master and hard to sympathize with, but you did give a good reason for why he was willing to send some random slave to the gallows (even if we love branic) to save his own skin.

Jasperian is a much more complex villain. He gets under my skin every time Arnae mentions him and I kind of want to shake her and explain what a terrible person he must be. The one thing that confuses me is that the person who put together Fayanne's history from next to nothing should have figured out that Kavour and Jasperian's stories match and have asked Kavour about it, even just in passing. The fact that Kavour's mother recognized the ring and that Jasperian's bastard brother was mentioned (and that she even connects that Kavour is a bastard) would have led her that way. If you don't want her to figure it out it would be better to have Lord Vincent be more oblique when talking about Jasperian's history, although I'm not sure how.

Since I sat down and read the whole story in just a few days I did notice that there were some discrepancies throughout the chapters. They are relatively easy to fix, and I am not sure I have all them right, so I will just give a partial list. The time to the coronation changes a little bit. Also it gets to midwinter very quickly, but Arnae's been a slave for nine months come the summer. The time that she ran away is just confusing in the first chapter. It is really unclear that she had been gone for a month. Why were the slavers still in that town after a month? Was it a different set? Or are they there permanently? If they are there all the time who brings the slaves to the empire? I think Adrianne's hair changes from black to red at some point.

The way you had Fayanne ask for activated charcoal was pretty awesome. The fact that her herbs are real medicines made the whole scene believable.

I'm not sure that I like how clearly all the characters have their respective mates, even if they don't know it.

I know that I haven't given you too much praise in this review, but you definitely deserve it, this is an excellent story. I won't go on much longer, but I truly like Nireem. She is flighty and cheerful, but realistic and human. Her connection to animals - and to healing in general - is a natural extension of her sincerely kind nature. I like that the magic or gift that she has is entirely different from Arnae's. She deserves something all to herself.

Update soon! ~jlr

I love your story! Please update soon!

The part was a little hard to follow, but no so hard that it was incomprehensible. I actually do like, Jasperian but by now I've gathered that he is probably the bad one that hurt Adrianne. Oh well. Please don't let Kavour go with Adrianne, I find her extremely annoying.

Is Gareth the king or the uncle? or maybe thats just a bad guess.

Antway, Please update soon.

hey, this is really good D

i skipped over almost all of the middle chapters since I don't have much time (middle school star testing this week...meh...)

but I really liked it because I could still follow most of it

your descriptions and vocabulary are amazing!

I love writing, but my main problem is im a middle school student and my vocabulary isn't advanced enough to make stuff interesting...

as for your question, yeah I could follow that part pretty well, actually.

great job! (for the 4th time now...)

NONONONO!

Why did you stop there? I just read your entire story in one sitting. Like eating way too much chocolate, only without the stomach ache after.

Why did Fayanne get thrown in a ditch? And what does the Dowager look like? Will you answer these questions? Does Kavour think he loves Adrianne and Arnae at the same time?

WRITE! S'il vous plait!

"I am still a princess, I am trapped in a queen's body, and this journal is the only one who can ever know." Even though I'm so not a fan of Adrianne, I really feel like Arnae should be handing this off to her. It's too personal.

You repeat a lot of phrases or use strikingly similar ones in the chapter: "drama in the entranceway," "a shell/rock where my heart should be," "he had lost her," "perhaps I do," "she was grateful – grateful," "There would be questions, questions" etc. Kavs overuses the dialogue repetition, as well (we need to talk, I can/will show you, have I/really, we wouldn't/would we).

"They pick them up and drop them like you'd drop a blemished fruit in the courtyard, and then rot takes hold of the slaves from within and corrupts them until they're black all over." That was absolutely lovely description. No sarcasm intended.

"What other lengths would you go to, Lord Kavour, to assuage the cowardice of your heart?" I really liked this scene. Kavs is too perfectly composed most of the time, and his desperation here is, well... 'nice' isn't the word. But you get the point. I'm completely confused as to what he's thinking, though.

The scene with Fayanne seemed pretty clear to me. It was a little repetitive with all the arguing, but I didn't have trouble with it.

What the hell is going on? Sorry for my (mild) swearing), but there are too many unanswered questions. What's with the mirror? What's with Kavour? What's with the diary? Yeah. Others that I can't think of. Stuff.

wait what chapter was dthe part where arnae raeds about fee and hait? i can't remember. but that was a little confusing, if hait wrote love letters..? to fee? or was it between ilana and hait...? didn't ilana say she was betrothed to the king of esca BUT married hait's brother, the king of arylla? why did hait give her slave ilana's diary? what happened to ilana, then? for a second i thought that ilana and fee had been lovers...?

wait, what? what's a one ring of love? there's no ring! there's invisibility ring!

good chapter though! i bet they're seen as trespassing. :D

Hey,, Wooh an update! XD

Wow the surprise attack at the end was completely unexpected! But a good cliff hanger never-the-less!

[Q1] - I could see how the part with Fayanne could be a bit confusing,, but I seemed to understand it so Its all good!

Surprisingly enough I have no idea who Adriannes culprit could be. Possibly Lady Dacia? The Emir? Even her Father King Antony...

Can't wait for the next chapter as always! P