I love your writing style!

"Tears that speak of betrayal, which will take long to heal, if it ever does."... this sentence sounded awkward to me. Long to heal sounded like maybe it should be awhile and the it doesn't really refer back to anything.

I didn't like how the couple got 2 paragraphs, it seemed to break the trend that you had started.

Other than that I really liked this piece. I think it's my favorite by you so far. The whole idea behind it is really unique and they way you tap into different senses to observe the people is very original. Also, how you describe the people is really powerful and well done. Plus it's something most people can relate too. Then it switches back the narrator, who (I at least) had almost forgotten about, which makes his feelings even more important. Really great job.

wow this is a good start. so detailed, yet not the boring type of detailed. its like a great picture u painted for us. good work.