|Reviews for Home|
| GrannyP chapter 3 . 4/11/2008
I don't have much to say about this chapter. I think it's kind of a transition into the next part where we will (hopefully) get to see April and Jake together. Of course, you could tease us and stretch it out a little bit longer, which would be understandable and make me giggle at your cleverness.
Nice work. I look forward to reading more.
| GrannyP chapter 2 . 4/11/2008
I like how you switch the focus of the story from one character to another, but you keep the third person POV. I kind of like stories that do that. When I write, I tend to focus all on one person without venturing out, and it can get a bit tiresome. But you make use of third person perspective and show us how, as the writer, you know all. Yay!
Nice work with this one. There was a minor grammar/word choice thing I noticed, but I am going to stop being a nerd for five seconds and just let it go. It wasn't a big deal anyway.
| GrannyP chapter 1 . 4/11/2008
Interesting beginning to a story you have here (speak like Yoda, apparently I do). HA! No, really, it's cute so far. One thing that jumped out at me (only because I am a speech/language teacher and I tend to notice these things-I'm such a nerd) was the shifting of verb tenses during the flashback part. For example, "he asked" (past tense) followed by "he whispers" (present tense). I think you probably intended to have past tense the whole way, as the event did take place in the past.
So, I will continue reading now!
| xjennnny chapter 3 . 3/4/2008
this is nice(
| MythCreatorWriter chapter 1 . 3/4/2008
I may just be in a bad mood, but this wasn't working for me. Most of your writing was long sentances. I like the subject matter, but...what I don't get is April's feelings. So she's leaving him because he doesn't feel love for her, and she didn't let him know until then? ... Huh?
I might be inspired from this to write my own, though. I may read the rest, depending on things. And I feel like the lyrics weren't necessary. In fact, I skipped them. I can see if you have a couple lines, but to have a whole block of the lyrics, I just think it's a bother instead of adding to the atmosphere of the chapter.
Again, I'm really sorry if I sound pessimistic but I feel you should know what I'm feeling so you can make changes and improve. Ok? Message me if you have any questions, please! I'm only trying to help!
| Inkhearts and Inkstains chapter 3 . 3/4/2008
I really like your story. I'm not sure if your english though- anyway- just a few pointers- we say pull not snog now, snog is a bit 90's and fish and chips in London- its a bit uncommon, cream tea would be more likely. Anyway, I can't wait for more. Please update soon.
| artistic dreamer chapter 2 . 2/10/2008
hi again! i really like your style of writing. just reading this, i'm getting a bit teary eyed. don't worry, it's not your story, i'm just a really emotional and sensitive story and i really like jake's character. and the italicized (is that like a flashback?) parts really give a lot of feeling into jake. so yeah, basically i REALLY really like this.
sorry for babbling about stupid things, just wanted to give you my opinions :D
| x Tequila Moonlight x chapter 1 . 2/9/2008
oh how did i miss this being posted? lol hmm im really likign this... im interested in jake and the way eh responds to her comign back. lol amazing as always!
| SSC and F13 chapter 2 . 2/7/2008
so i'm guessing this story will be switching POVs.
it's good to see from the other characters POVs too so i have a feeling that this will be a great stor.
hope you update soon!
| Tecna chapter 1 . 2/3/2008
Another fantastic fic, it's well written and I just want to read more and find out what happens next.
Also I apologise I haven't been consistently reviewing your other story, but I have been reading it, it's just that I hardly get time to review or read. I have yet to work on my fics, and I'm not even getting that done. I have courseworks going on in college so I hope you understand but do continue to update. I apologise in advance that I am not reviewing all your chapters, but I will review as soon as I get the time. Sorry, but still great new fic.
| Kendyl Burch chapter 1 . 2/1/2008
yay! i remember this story cant wait to see how uve changed it
| SSC and F13 chapter 1 . 2/1/2008
this story seems like it'll be pretty interesting. hope you update soon! D
| artistic dreamer chapter 1 . 2/1/2008
a good start, a bit sad, but overall, i really like this first chapter. is the next chapter gonna be already five years later? i really hope to see jake's reaction when april returns! keep me updated!
| SummerLover chapter 1 . 2/1/2008