Reviews for Curiouser and Curiouser
HannahTess chapter 1 . 2/8/2008
Wow Meryn, I am so impressed with this.

Your descriptions are just enough to get a feel for the setting, and not too much so that they're distracting (something I always dislike in fiction).

You really captured the feeling of fear, when it all starts to go back very quickly. I actually had to give a paranoid glance behind me when I was reading haha.

I was all ready to help you with constructive criticism but I have none! :)
Zetsubou no Uta chapter 1 . 2/8/2008
Goodness me. I take the time to read your story, I favorite it, and I completely neglect to write a critique. Please accept my apologies.

I will not line to you. What first hooked me was the title. Alice's Adventures in Wonderland was a book that has been my favorite all my life and, like many other people, it has been deeply embedded in my psyche. And, like the aforementioned book, your story certainly has several elements. A strange landscape. A little girl wandering into a world that is forbidden to her. The following of...something leading her deeper and deeper into a nightmarish world. I will admit. The horror genre usually does not affect me as much as it does other people. However, I found myself shivering as I read your story. It was very atmospheric and spooky and I felt as if I myself was being led deeper and deeper into the Took Witch's orchard, never to be seen again. A very good read all around.

And now for my critique. At the beginning, I saw that Acacia and Colin just sort of...appeared at the entrance to the Took Witch's house, and I was initially going to ask what exactly she was doing there. However, that problem was soon remedied later in the story, so no more complaints from me regarding that. However, I did notice that, like many other writers, you tend to overuse the comma. I noticed several places where a comma was placed that simply did not need it. Not a very big problem, and like I said many other writers have the same problem. I myself am guilty on that account. Another thing: mayhaps this is influenced by my own personal preference, but do not be afraid of adding a lot of detail and description. I mean, there certainly was enough description to get me involved. I will not deny that. But in addition to writing, I'm also an avid roleplayer and to me...it just seems that more detail pulls me deeper and deeper into the world you're weaving through your words. It's like...with more detail...but not enough to be considered "flowery," the world in your story becomes more real to me, and I begin to feel the fog...see the trees...hear the Took Witch's sinister laughter. Other than those two little suggestions, I loved the story. The only other sort of complaint I had was that...it ended far too soon. We did not see any of the fruits that grew from the "trees" in the witch's orchard (and trust me, if you did put this and did it right, you would have scared the HELL out of me. Perhaps the bodyparts of the witch's victims grew out of the trees like fruit?). And it's almost a shame that we did not get to see the inside of the house. I was honestly looking forward to that. But other than that, very good story all in all.

I'll be expecting great things from you.
Luvelle chapter 1 . 2/4/2008
A few things first that irked me. Call them pet-peeves, I guess.

1.) Irises do not get wide. That just sounds strange and is weird to imagine. Pupils get wide, eyes can become wide, but not irises.

2.) Eyes aren't chocolate. That sounds even more strange to describe someone's eyes as chocolate. Chocolate colored, maybe, but even then what's wrong with saying brown?

3.) Sometimes you got a little thick on descriptions. I got bored frequently and just skimmed over the paragraphs because I knew they were all going to be describing the same thing. Try to shorten it up a bit. Speaking of shorten, several of your sentences are a tad too long, namely the summary.

Other than that, though, I loved this. I thought it was a fantastic story with an ending I wasn't really expecting. Very, very interesting. Your writing is great besides the few things I mentioned before. Even then, those things can be worked on.

Great job. I'll be faving this.