Reviews for An Unfortunate Encounter
zagato chapter 1 . 11/28/2018
this is remarkable, thank you!
Billie Leigh the fourth sage chapter 1 . 11/23/2008
I'm glad someone's writing about Filipino folklore. It was simple, traditional, point-taken :)

It'd be nice for more of these with variety xD There're so many possibilities.

If you're interested, I'm actually making a Filipino-mythology themed webcomic.
Scribe Of All Trades chapter 1 . 2/7/2008
Okay, first thing's first—a few little nitpickity things:

For the most part in this story, you stay in past tense, but a few times you switch to present. For example:

“Karolina opens her eyes and looks at the maid that looked to be near her twenties.”

“Ancient-looking oil lamps, candles and sunlight keep the room somewhat bright.”

“She listens to them now and wonders which of the many mythical creatures in those stories are real and which are fictitious.”

Not a huge deal, but it is a tad bit distracting to read.

Also, you have a couple of run-on sentences:

“It was a nice day, a cool wind was blowing and the scent Arabian Jasmine filled the air.”

“Karolina preferred to keep the window open to let in the cool breeze, since her room was at the back of the house she was able to hear the mini waterfall that was installed at the fishpond and the street noises isn’t as loud as in the living room.”

I would change these to:

“It was a nice day. A cool wind was blowing and the scent of Arabian Jasmine filled the air.”

“Karolina preferred to keep the window open to let in the cool breeze. Since her room was at the back of the house, she was able to hear the mini waterfall that was installed at the fishpond and the street noises weren’t as loud as in the living room.”

Other than that though, this story is quite charming and deserves more reviews! I take it that you have been to the Philippines? I really feel as if I'm there. You really do your research. Good job! I’m definitely adding this to my favorites. If you ever want a beta reader for the future, I'd be more than happy to assist...just e-mail me.

Oh, and I’m just curious...what are kapres and pandesal rolls?

Cheers,

~Meryn~(_)