|Reviews for suffering in silence|
| Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 2/5/2008
Instead of having five "and"s in the first seven lines why not use some punctuation? Also, starting off with an "and" usually makes me feel like I've come into a poem that's already started and in this case I don't see why it's necessary. As such I'd really recommend getting rid of it.
In the final line "I’m fine thanks,", the comma should be a period.
Overall it's not bad, a little generic but it's got an appeal to those who can empathise (which is a lot of us). For an edit though, clear out those "and"s and fully punctuate this piece.