|Reviews for Crushed|
| EllaBell chapter 1 . 5/4/2008
I can completely relate.
| Solemn Coyote chapter 1 . 2/22/2008
I'll confess that I was a little bit hesitant in reading your stuff. I assumed, completely undeservedly, that romantic poems posted on fictionpress were, by nature, flaily angst. I was wrong, and I apologize for that. You've got a way with words, and when you do angst, it's very concise angst. Hardly flaily at all.
Pretty much I like this poem. A lot. I'm going to try and be objective and make a few grammar nit-picks, but I think that you did something really cool here. Most people, when crushed, write from a crushed perspective; comparing hair to rose petals and waterfalls and what-not. You took a step back and analyzed crushed-ness, using lines like
"But suddenly every word he says is a gospel
Preached to the unbelieving choir
Of everyone in the world who isn’t me". Which, frankly, were pretty excellent.
Grammatically, there are a few mistakes. "I’m screwed aren’t I?" should have a comma after screwed (and, by the way, I completely know that feeling.) "I guess had been developing over days, weeks," should have either "I" or "it" after "guess". Other than that, there's not very much I can critique. Keep writing.
(sorry about the delay on reviews. I kinda just got back to America and my reliable internet connection.)
| sorryaboutthelight chapter 1 . 2/5/2008
lol i love it!