|Reviews for Unknown Reactions Contracted|
| softer side of apples chapter 1 . 2/26/2008
I KNEW BY THE DISCLAMIER THIS WAS GOING TO BE GOOD. I READ IT TWICE. THIS IS SO WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH AT THIS POINT IN MY LIFE RIGHT NOW!1 I LOVE THIS PIECE.
| Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 2/12/2008
1. Full punctuation. Right now you've got some haphazard commas but I think fully punctuating this piece will help the flow and rhythm.
2. I think "mixes" on L2 of stanza one should be "mixing" and I think a comma at the end of L1 and another at the end of L2 would solidify that sentence.
3. L3 of stanza one is a little convoluted, simply "Reminding me how swiftly your body moved" might work better.
4. On L3 of stanza two the "still" is superfluous, it just feels like a filler syllable and L4 feels yoda-esque with "Placid we shall remain" when "We shall remain placid" is grammatically correct.
Apart from those nitpicks I quite like this. It gets a little convoluted in places but you have some interesting image and a solid last stanza. Nice work.