|Reviews for Snatched Away|
| DefineBeauty chapter 1 . 6/12/2008
the idea of the story sounds pretty interesting ] a cliched but at the same time not...if that makes sense
one thing i would suggest is seperating the summary from the rest of the story. even though the sumamry is in italics, i was a little confused at first and wasn't sure if the first paragraph was the summary and the second was part of the story, or if both were the sumamry. i figured it out, but i would still suggest seperating them somehow
I really like the last line, its pretty much a cliffhanger as to what will happen next and makes the reader want to read more to find out what will happen.
the begginning of the story isn't much of a hook however, which is ok, because not all stories need that hook. it's just a personal preference i think that should be there
oh, another thing. you should stay consistent when you use the words "boy" man" and "men" especially when you're tlaking about both the father and the son together. seeing as the son is just a boy, its a little confusing when you say that the men did this or that. just a tip
anyways, sounds interesting, and overall is well written ]
| AlexSanguine chapter 1 . 6/11/2008
Stupid me...I just saw the genre after I finished reading it. Of COURSE it's suspense...I was about to run around screaming going "What?"
You leave me hanging. I will be reading chapter two now. I liek it so far. ONLY thing I found off was this sentence-
As both men gazed up into the night sky, they saw a black rotorcraft *slowing* pacing its way to ground.
I think you meant slowly?
I like it so far! I'm not quite sure what is going on-but chapter 2 might fix that!
| Equilibrium chapter 1 . 2/7/2008
Lovely first chapter. You've got a fantastic vocabulary, a totally un-cliched plot (thus far), and smooth-flowing paragraphs. I also like the characterisation, though at this point the readers don't know much about father and son. One thing I'd like to point out, though, is the sentence "they saw just what they had expected". Although I know that you mean by this, at first glance it sounds as though the father and son were waiting for the helicopter, or at least knew that one was coming. But maybe that's just me. Anyway, great job. You are SO very talented. I'm coming back for more.