|Reviews for awkward|
| g0shawk chapter 1 . 2/8/2008
Ooh I like how it all leads up to the last line. Nice poem :)
| Koran chapter 1 . 2/8/2008
That happens to me alot . it captures the feel really well good job.
| Julius Gillian chapter 1 . 2/8/2008
What I appreciate about this piece is how it fell like a building imploding on itself, like your demanour went from neutral, but as your crush passed and you felt the cold reality of being unnoticed you came to feel depressed.
I think the word 'mimic' could be replaced by 'mimicry', just because it feels like its more advanced than the word mimic. They mean the same thing I believe, not sure though.
'Soiled veins like shattered glass' these are those types of lines where in my opinion you find it hard to relate with, because intellectually I realize the feeling of shattered glass is not as harsh as the sting of unrequited love; or that physical and mental pain are two different things. I don't know, I felt like this line was merely a fabrication amongst everything else.
'My heart pounds painfully' I can very well emphasize with this one though, because right after I feel unloved this is the part that interacts with me and my loneliness the most.
Everything works well with that feeling of 'social awkwardness'.
Keep at it!
| little smiles chapter 1 . 2/8/2008
That's exactly how I feel sometimes! My favourite line is "In frantic pulses mimicking passion", sums it up perfectly :)