|Reviews for His Queen|
| HardlyACritic chapter 22 . 12/17/2014
I really love the uniqueness of this story, you tell the story amazingly and you're writing style is quite enjoyable. However, you aren't really consistent with your story. Maybe it's just me but it is really distracting, it takes away from your brilliant story line. I don't really like Seraphina, she's not a likeable or that relatable a character to me, but I think that adds to your story not detracts from it. I love your story line and I love the world you have created. I'd love to share more of my opinions with you and discuss this story. Feel free to PM me Carbeck4ever :)
| Demon75789 chapter 38 . 8/12/2014
This is a amazing story, I greatly enjoyed reading it.
| bubublacz chapter 1 . 8/9/2014
Oohhhh why haven't I seen this before? It sounds cool :D
| MileyRowling chapter 38 . 7/31/2014
I must say that I did enjoy this! I read this last weekend and forget to review. Bad me!
| Crystal chapter 29 . 7/25/2014
I really love this story, it's pace is perfect and I especially liked how realistic you were able to make the character, especially when she was tricked into going with Gerahd even though as the reader you're screaming at her "No! You could crush him now!" It's a very realistic thing to be tricked by someone older and more conniving like that. I only saw a few flaws in vocab like when the word should have been 'seize' the day instead of 'cease'...and there were a few other wrong spelling of right words(easy fixes). Also I was slightly confused when it was mentioned by Kazeas that Aeron was 27, then later that he was 400...maybe make that a question Sera asks also when she learns if he's ever been with any other women, it'd clear that up. Also you never explained how Gerahd killed her mother(I wouldn't think she'd actually die in childbirth) you could have Gerahd tell Sera out of spite? And it was never explained how the Vaen find their mate, exactly why it took Aeron so long to find his-and how if Sera was hidden by her mother with magic how it was that Aeron was able to find her/why Gerahd never took her before that and/or when he was a snake watching them unaware giving him the element of suprize. Otherwise in every way that counts it was a great story, epic.
| ConeGriffin chapter 38 . 7/4/2014
Finally! A good fantasy story!
I like the idea... but I think you can do so much more with this story. We should understand exactly how evil or good a person is. Suddenly someone was made to be evil for no apparent reason. A back story maybe. He couldn't have randomly come up with a decision to kill the King's daughter in his own palace! Make us understand what exactly made him do something so bad.
And the Final Battle! With all that power! C'mon! It can be way better! So much more exciting! We should be biting our nails through it.. and wondering what exactly is about to happen. Holding our breath (dramatic.. I know).
I'm reading 'His captive' and I think its absolutely brilliant! Almost done with it. Love the plot. Love the way you described everything. I even like it better than this one. BRILLIANT!
I enjoy your writing. Glad I found your stories.
| Garfield71 chapter 5 . 7/1/2014
Mmh, you got the horse stuff quite wrong, that's a major turnoff for someone who has been involved with horses earlier in life. The farm life aspect also doesn't sound overly convincing. And unfortunately emotionally Seraphina doesn't come across as a 21 year old young woman at all, but rather like an immature school teen.
Pity, because the plot is not bad.
| 4gnez chapter 38 . 6/30/2014
Best story ever! Great job!
| hitokori midnight chapter 38 . 5/19/2014
Thank you so much I really enjoyed it !
| Magenta chapter 21 . 3/17/2014
So, I just have to wonder... Is this intentionally so much like the Black Jewels Trilogy?
At every turn I'm reminded of it. The brink instead of the killing edge; wiccaria instead of witch; all the talking animals; the UnCynd are like the threat of war between Khaeleer and Tereille... And so on and so forth.
Anyway, its really good from what i've ready so far. :)
| William Kayspear chapter 1 . 2/17/2014
I knew I recognized this story! Read it a while back (and loved it)
| SiriuslyPink chapter 30 . 10/13/2013
She has become arrogant and I can't stand arrogant main females. Arrogance is only sexy with male characters.
'No one can get through /this/ shield.'
And apparently they won't fail with /her/ plan. Because it's it's /her/ plan and she never fails.
I liked Sera before she entered the magical world. Now she's just a Sue, with everything handed to her. A prince mate, a prince unicorn, a prince dog, a queen mother. She's even that woman hero reincarnated...
It's just... ugh.
How are we supposed to relate to this girl? Give her some flaws! Make her unconfident. Make her a complete klutz. Make her /ugly/ with a zit face! Anything that can make her seem more real because she's not.
| SiriuslyPink chapter 22 . 10/12/2013
I think you need to go through your third person sections and make sure you don't slip first person in. You never say his. You ALWAYS, always say myself during those parts and it's very distracting.
| Guest chapter 38 . 10/10/2013
this was an amazing story. I loved it, keep up the good work
| Ally Roudy chapter 2 . 10/8/2013
Yea! k - ill read more later!