Reviews for His Queen
Elleray chapter 38 . 8/3/2013
Hey... I thought the beginning was a bit slow for me but thank god i read thru it till the end. This story is amazing. I love both of the leads. Although there were a bit of flaw here and there but i thought u did great. *throws confetti* thanks for sharing a great story. XD
Ray-Anne chapter 38 . 7/31/2013
I've never reread a story on Fictionpress. I just reread this one.
bookwurm247 chapter 38 . 7/23/2013
best story i have read on fictionpress!
bookwurm247 chapter 22 . 7/23/2013
Couldn't he tell when she answered my heart has always been yours since...?
xxxheartlandxxx chapter 38 . 7/23/2013
This was a very good story! And I'll reread it again because it was that good. I honestly don't know a better fantasy book that I have read. This book is amazing!
bookwurm247 chapter 17 . 7/22/2013
you know i really like the fact that even though she is hurt by those bitches, she still stands up to them! i like a strong female lead in my stories!
bookwurm247 chapter 2 . 7/22/2013
i have a feeling that her mother is the same race as he is.
William Kayspear chapter 38 . 7/4/2013
THERE'S A SEQUEL WOOOOOOOOOOOOH!

And it's always a daughter never a son
ARulzz chapter 38 . 4/13/2013
I like many parts of this story. Actually most part. This story had a different plot, which is exactly what the readers need and which is what I love about this story. This story, for the most time, was unpredictable. That is a very good thing. But sometimes, like when Sera was held in captive, the way you wrote that part of the story made Sera look a bit immature, which is horrible, considering how she got there in the first place. This slightly immaturity was seen when you wrote things like 'i would've laughed right now but...' That was also a bit disturbing. It could be bcuz you're too young like 12 or 13 or maybe even 14. I don't how old you are. Anyway that is the ONLY fault of your style of writing. Other than that, everything was extremely well-thought, and beautiful.
Thank you.

GooDLuck!
Terras1fan-inactive chapter 15 . 4/7/2013
All right. I stuck until this chapter, because well, I thought the world was pretty darn interesting.

But I can't complete. Sera needs some revision. She has no flaws! Good at riding horses, bonding with a unbondable ruly Unicorn, good at singing, good at playing guitar, beautiful, talented at magic, talented at weaponry, good at picking up on everything, except love, because of course, she's going to be a naive virgin character. How am I supposed to relate to Sera? She's essentially perfect, desire-able and has a prince who has the hotts for her. Who gives a damn at that point? Give Sera some flaws. Maybe she is competitive like you said at the beginning, and to a fault, meaning it gets her trouble with her friends, family, or something like that. Maybe she has a temper, so she says things that she shouldn't, just so that she can "win" the argument.

Speaking of Aeron had some Mary Sue tendencies at times too. The moment I can think of most clearly was how unnatural the discussion over his long dead sister went in the fountain garden area. I mean, if you tragically lost your sister and went on a blood raged rampage, would you willingly tell your soulmate of this painful and kind of shameful past, without at least a bit of coaxing? If it was in Aeron's character to be forthcoming, the scene would have been natural. But giving in so quickly? Letting Sera do her magic schmick and fix him into telling her his problem(Mary Sue!) is just too damn cliche.

Revisions need to make this story more relate-able. Cliche can be good in small amounts, if you have damn good characters. Your female lead needs aid, but most of your supporting are good. Aeron has moments (ex: his Mary Sue tendency of not being overly nice to his servants, overly possessive and arrogant, Ice Prince?), and the supporting cast members like Leila (is that her name? Damn if I can remember) are forgettable and kind of meh. I mean, there is a bitchy ex, and nothing more to see there. Evil guy who kills children. Best friend who's there to beautify the female lead and remind her the male lead is hott.

I think you get my drift. Revise! Take the path untaken! As a reader I want to be pleasantly surprised. Maybe instead of Tristan being a complete dick (as was seen from a mile away), maybe we can find out he's completely gay, and he's been hiding it for years by sleeping with all these women. That way you get the jealousy factor by Aeron out of the way, and it's not so "Oh, the poor female lead liked a dick beforehand, and now she's being rescued by this ah-mazing guy." Plus, it aids a little humor. (;

Speaking of humor breaking the fourth wall and having Sera talk to the readers can be frustrating sometimes. It's like you are attempting humor, but it ends up being awkward. The fourth wall shouldn't be broken unless there is a good reason to. When you watch a movie, and you are enthralled in the action, the character is crying, moaning her fate, and then suddenly the leaves rustle, someone is watching her. You don't want the character to say, "I'll give you one chance to guess who's watching me." We all know who's watching her. Unless you surprised us and switched it up, but 99.99% of the time we know. So don't break the barrier! Just say:

Blahblahblah. Someone was watching her.

"What do you want?" So-so groaned.

Ok. Sorry this is damn lengthy. I just feel like giving a full review tonight. However, I hope you don't feel angry, disappointed, miffed, or annoyed at me because of what I wrote. I was told a few years ago that a story of mine had a major Mary Sue. When I realized it, I felt a bit like crap, but eventually I reread and realized it as well. I went "Oh damn" and went back to fix things. It completely changed the story, but into something I'm much more proud of!

I hope you keep writing. You started something good. I think you can write good plot lines, and you could make some cliches pretty good reads. But you need to be sure to solidly create characters with flaws. And not just tragic background stories. Ya know?

Sorry for leaving you a shit ton to read,
Terra
Guest chapter 38 . 3/31/2013
This would be a epic movie/ TV series xD
geekman9097 chapter 23 . 3/23/2013
in this chapter you mention eyrie. and i quote "have you forgotten that eyrie and celestine are farie too?" you need to change eyrie to vaen, like you said you would dearlier in the book
jerrellsgirl112606 chapter 38 . 2/25/2013
I just loved this story i cant wate to read the sequel.
Guest chapter 38 . 2/3/2013
Sera is such a Mary Sue
AriTakahashi chapter 38 . 12/24/2012
I LOVED IT! You are now my inspiration
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