Very nice, lots of feeling. I like it.

It sounds to me like someone trying to recapture their youth.

The repetitive pieces are lovely. Both the rhyme and rhythm work really well.

I did find the third and fourth lines a bit confusing and had to read them several times to try and figure out the image. I think it's confusing because it's unclear whether "smell" or "burnt out" is the verb in the sentence.

I know fictionpress can be difficult with uploading but I think wrestling with it to put in stanzas is worth it. The repetitive pieces give a clue as to how the poem should be structured but it's probably worth it to try and explicitly get them in. It helps frame the poem and makes it easier to follow.

The repetition of "They left their dreams etcetc" works really well here. It could be a song. :D

-"Our childhood's smell burnt out cigarettes"... Is this a personification of "childhood"? Then it should be "Our childhoods smell...". Or if it's supposed to be "Our childhood's smell OF burnt out cigarettes"... Regardless, the comma probably shouldn't be there. xP

Nice poem, keep writing.

Tracing our hearts on the pavements mind...pavement's

I like the repetition of the middle at the end... the piece is really great and has some powerful lines (the third one especially)... awesome job

Wonderful poem!

I'm guessing that the subject, going by the fact that it is filed under 'friendship' and the line "But those girls have been gone for a long, long time", is about a friend who is no longer a friend (but that would be too obvious) or that things are no longer as simple as they used to be. I'm no good at poems, so I'm probably wrong. :-)

nickel goes out to you for writing such an amazing piece ]