Reviews for Egg
Casey Drake chapter 16 . 6/16/2008
Well! Finally getting a chance to go through my backlog... this is really interesting! One wonders if Sazalth is less charged than normal-the fact that during Egg's self-starvation she was also paranoid, and Wythak's reference to him as a "drained crystal" both seem to point towards this. Though, of course, I shouldn't discount the power of scarlet fish.

:) CD
BlackRage chapter 1 . 6/2/2008
Oh God, Momsdarksecret totally slapped down on your ass! And man do you deserve it! Your stories are total shit. Did you expect anything different? Maybe a pat on the head. Yeah fucking right.
nightdragon0 chapter 16 . 3/27/2008
Besides the main storyline, the other thing you're going into a lot seems to be the board game. Actually, quite a lot of the flashbacks with Asizar are being dedicated to it.

There's a number of 'not being a Green' quotes from the doctor. While I know it's because Greens naturally heal fast from Burniation and your live journal entries, I don't know if it's been mentioned here yet.

Seems that even if a Brown hasn't really trained to fight, their magic can be pretty destructive.
Shadowhound chapter 15 . 3/24/2008
-You know, oblivion is kind of fun. As long as you avoid sheer chaos oblivion allows you to continue the story indefinitely. Just find the end and follow it back to where you are or look for a friendly local. If you see any of the Norse gods point them in my direction.

-Hedonistic glutton? What's wrong with that? Granted, gluttony isn't my favorite sin, but you say hedonism like its a bad thing.

-Not much to say for this chapter. I saw a few key words in Egg's fight that support a few suspicions, but there's not much else for me to say right now.

Shadowhound
Shadowhound chapter 14 . 3/24/2008
-Today is a good day. I finished Phoenix Wars, Water Sleeps by Glen Cook came in. As long as I ignore the fact that I have a lot of revisions to do for Phoenix and that I can't read Water Sleeps because I don't have the two preceeding books and would thus ruin a large part of the story, it will continue to be a good day...

-"...seeing as how you‘re pressed for money.”

That's not a comment people usually take kindly to. It also seems like its kind of added on to further illustate that Wythak doesn't have a lot of money and that it might influence his decisions later.

-Sabotage, huh? Of course the mind immediately jumps to kindly old blue dragonkin who helped Egg get that necessary part for the freezer.

Shadowhound
nightdragon0 chapter 13 . 3/18/2008
I think it's well established that Egg has a number of problems with letting her focus wander.

I noted the EoE reference earlier on. Was that the way you were planning to end it, had it continued.

Would the flashback scenes with Asizar serve any other purpose, besides expanding on his character? Knowing your style, such seemingly trivial bits, along with things such as the match between Sazalth and Garrathan, and the mysterious followers earlier will end up linking up somewhat.
Shadowhound chapter 13 . 3/16/2008
What is the significance of Sazalth and Garrothan's stalemate? Is it supposed to show they are intellectual equals? That even outside the game they can't beat each other? Or will this drive them to try to prove that one is superior over the other?

Not much else to say.

Shadowhound
Casey Drake chapter 1 . 3/15/2008
I think theirs is to be an interesting relationship.

:) CD
Shadowhound chapter 12 . 3/13/2008
Not much to say. I liked the comment in the last chapter about in door plumbing. Would that include a septic tank?

Shadowhound
Shadowhound chapter 10 . 3/12/2008
-Nice reference to EoE. So Sreth kills her sister, huh? Nice way for it to end, siblings killing each other. Personally I'm a big fan of that type of conclusion.

"I wonder why a story this important to our Flight isn’t told more often, though.”

Yes. Why has that story never been told? Aside from your first two attempts...

-Not much going on in this chapter. Egg understanding why Wythak didn't destroy the document, finding out that he's part of the magic taster group, and then going to the spa to absorb magic. The way you describe it makes it seem like a drug. Magic intoxication...

Shadowhound
Shadowhound chapter 9 . 3/8/2008
-A Red civil war? I'm assuming that the terrorists had some success in arousing public sympathy.

-Why is Wythak bitching to Egg? People usually bitch to those under them or to friends. Why bitch to strangers who might not be sympathetic? It does serve as an excuse for you to create a sense of mystery, but it doesn't make much sense. Wythak is an underling complaining to someone working directly for his master. Egg is actually a little above him because she is a contracted worker and he is a student. Something about him complaining just feels a little wrong. This is Wythak's second encounter with Egg and the first one didn't go by so well, he ended up doing something that made him feel uncomfortable on her behalf.

-As expected, Wythak didn't destroy the records. Honestly, if you want something done right you really have to do it yourself. I liked this chapter up until Wythak's entrance, and he just seems to rub me the wrong way. If you were asked to destroy evidence that a certain cryomancer entered the academy, why the hell would you tell that certain cryomancer to her face that you did not destroy that evidence when you don't know her well enough to ascern if she can keep a secret. Either the guy's a complete moron, or there's some authorial intervention going on.

Shadowhound
nightdragon0 chapter 8 . 3/5/2008
Fictionpress is a smaller community than Fanfiction net, so I feel it's much harder to get good feedback.

Red & lightning offence, heh. I didn't realize it until Shadowhound mentioned it. From it, I can see Egg seems to like to get things done as quickly as possible. She's rather quick to deduce Sazalth's behavior as paranoia.

Hmm, Garrathan seems to have some ulterior motives as well..
Shadowhound chapter 7 . 3/3/2008
-Busy? Far from it. Lazy would be more accurate. If anything I have too much freetime at the moment do to a fluke in scheduling that I refuse to remedy at the moment. If you're wondering why you aren't getting more reviews and feedback, ask yourself how much reviewing you are doing. You tend to get more reviews when you actively review other people's work unless they decide to be annoying and not return the favor. Personally I've almost given up on it. There's ten-twelve different people I read regularly and only about eight of them update regularly. You are by far the most frequent of them.

-Is Garrothan the head of Sazarth's department?

-The Reds seemt to have gone from warriors to merchants. Interesting...

-If Egg doesn't have the part she needs why doesn't she go to a hardware store or some other store and purchase the necessary component? She said before that Asizar gave her some spending money and that she could use it to buy the parts she lost. Is it a difficult part to replace or something? Why is she becoming hysterical? Annoyance would be more appropriate because it will cost her time and money to replace the part when she could already be done with it.

-Also, what is Egg's plan for after the cooling unit is complete? What is she going to do to get enrolled in the academy?

Shadowhound
Shadowhound chapter 6 . 3/3/2008
Sorry for the belated review. I've been out of town for a wedding and only got back last night. Any reasons why I didn't review before I left can be attributed to my favorite sin: sloth. Pride's a close second, but it doesn't compete with sloth.

Anyway, I'm curious as to the contents of Sazalth's freezer that he wishes to remain discrete. Right now I'm wondering how secret he wants to keep it, since he wanted the master and got the apprentice. Even more, he *accepted* the apprentice to work on the freezer. I suppose that if it was something truly sensitive he would be much more secretive of it than he is. There is a certain competitiveness in him and the way he talks about his coworkers, although I have to wonder about Wythak. If Sazarth knew Egg or her Asizar were arriving why didn't he place someone he trusted to be discrete at the guard house? I get the feeling that although Wythak was told to destroy the evidence of Asizar's letter that it will somehow survive to be used against Egg and Sazarth at some point. Right now the roles of protagonist and antagonist aren't clearly defined, why should they be at this point it's only the sixth chapter?

Anyways, the game they were playing at the end. It sounds more like a profiling game than anything else. Because Egg plays Red, or lightning offence, then it must say something about her. What does it mean that Sazarth plays Brown?

Shadowhound
nightdragon0 chapter 7 . 3/3/2008
I know you've always wanted to do a story showing off the capabilities of the Brown flight, so I assume this is it. Still, I liked it better when Egg was Broken-Tail's apprentice (referring to the short). But where the Brown Flight is involved, there's bound to be a decent amount of spell throwing.

What I feel is that this fic probably won't catch many new readers, but is more likely to get the interest of those looking to know more about your world & the Flights.

I hope this doesn't start going into politics and such, cause that's a thing I personally don't really like.
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