|Reviews for limitless|
| Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 2/28/2008
1. You don't need the comma on L3, otherwise it makes "and the sun shone" a parenthetic element and makes the sentence construction all screwy.
2. L2 of the second stanza is a bit odd. It's the only "you" in the piece and the idea you're trying to get across gets lost in the convoluted syntax.
3. L5 is almost too blunt. It feels out of tone with the rest of the piece.
4. The third stanza could be four lines instead of two. The flow that had been present in the previous two stanzas gets lost in the two long lines there.
5. I like the last line but it feels too isolated and blunt.
Apart from my comments, I liked the topic and it was a sweet poem, just a bit bland.
| crinkled aster ribbon chapter 1 . 2/26/2008
the first stanza was the one that really hit me. i remember one time i was in a plane and it was exactly like that. the setting sun glinted off lakes and turned them glorious, flashing orange for a brief moment before they turned dull again.
the last line is really something to think about. love it, keep writing.
| thursdays and rain chapter 1 . 2/17/2008
so true.. love the last part ;)
| the naked civil servant chapter 1 . 2/16/2008
"the sky was an ocean with clouds"
You have this intoxicating way of phrasing simple things which makes me feel like I'm experiencing them for the very first time.
"filling their imaginations with grand endeavours" ... That means so much to me right now, I swear. And the last line is perfect.