Reviews for Going Down
essie chapter 21 . 3/15/2009
what's happening? :o

aah, long time but it's ok because going under left such a big impression on me so i still remember the storyline ...xD
B. J. Winters chapter 3 . 3/4/2009
I'm not sure why you ended the last chapter as you did - when you started this one with "That left me ever so slightly speechless." I would recommend that you rethink this chapter opening (or the other ending).

I do still like the main character.
B. J. Winters chapter 2 . 3/4/2009
Your dialogue is strong, and again the ending is the best written part of the chapter.

You have a lot of one sentence paragraphs. It's a good technique for drama, but you might be in danger of over using it. Chose wisely would be my recommendation.

I happen to love first person. In general you use it well, but every once in awhile you flip into narration mode (example in his chapter): "I think you get the point." I'm not sure this technique is being well or uniformly used...this sentence just struck me as out of place and as the writer you should be sure this is the direction you want to head.
B. J. Winters chapter 1 . 3/4/2009
Interesting synopsis, so I openned the story. I think the first paragraph could have been done in one well thought out, dramatic sentence rather than the rambling paragraph. The ending, however, had that nice mix of closure and forshadowing that encourages you to read on.

Minor points:

This section: It did[,] however[,] help with the entire being homeless thing. Though[,] if I’d known what my mom was going to use some of her money for[,] I would have tried divorcing her. {needs commas and I didn't like the "divorce" term with a parent. I think a better example could have been used}

And this: Because she bought the baby daughter of Rose Red. {Still don't get the reference - you assume too much of the average in my opinion. We are in your characters head, but we need more background and perspective}

I swear to whatever deity isn’t listening, that’s what it looked like. There was even the murky pond with a creepy statue of a women. {woman?}
MizJ chapter 21 . 3/4/2009
O.O

is all i have to say... oh and update soon. :)
Robyn Night chapter 20 . 10/25/2008
YEAY! An update! I am so glad that you got this one up- don't wory, i don't think it's 'pathetic". I can't wait to read what you'll write next!

But, poor Cait... her lollipop! That sucks! I hope she'll be ok (poor girl really does have bad luck around fire!). Can't wait to see what this new 'mysterious force' that saved her will turn out to be! Update again soon, please! :)
MizJ chapter 20 . 10/25/2008
Oh i love it!

but now the lollipop is gone? :(

Really glad you updated, i didn't know if you would or not considering that Going Under is being published but i'm totally happy that you did :)

Update again when you can,

Sam
writersblock900 chapter 18 . 9/2/2008
This is getting so twisty - and personally, my money's on ghosts possessing people or reincarnation. About the Cait-looking-like-Lara-thing. Wow. I can't wait to read the rest.
Robyn Night chapter 18 . 8/4/2008
Wow... i didn't see THAT coming! Now im confused... what exactly is going on! Aiden in love with both his sister AND a ghost! What a plot twist!

Congrats on beign approached by the publishers by the way! Hope it works out like ou want it to!

Keep updating PLEASE! Happy writing!
Angel of Ink chapter 1 . 7/21/2008
Oh, and before I forget, chapter fourteen got posted twice. So chapters fourteen and fifteen are exactly the same. :) Thought you might like to know.
Angel of Ink chapter 19 . 7/21/2008
First of all, awesome story. Seriously, it's really cool.

And second, congrats on the whole publisher thing!

Third- my actual comments. I was thinking, when Jamie said that Aiden couldn't "kill Lara twice" that it might mean Aiden kills ghosts. Only he's done nothing about crazy Ana or Mercedes- is in fact bopping Mercedes- so I guess I'm probably completely wrong about that one.

Second, how could Cait think she's in love with Aiden after finding out he was having sex with not only his sister, but a ghost, too? And that he only likes her because she looks just like his sister. It's creepy. Really, really creepy. Any guy I was dating who'd even CONSIDERED kissing his sister would get the boot so fast he'd have friction burns on his ass.
pandorka42 chapter 1 . 7/19/2008
The word 'dying' in your summary for the story is spelled wrong. Lol.
MizJ chapter 19 . 7/17/2008
really good. can't wait for the update. :)
Amanda Garofalo chapter 17 . 7/14/2008
Wow, that was seriously great. My friend just recomended this site to me and i decided to check it out, not at all expecting much. I'm extremely impressed with your story, however; it kept me intruiged. I can't wait until you finish it... you are going to finish it, right? I think that you ahould expand it some more and try to get it published; it would be a big seller. I would definately buy it!

Amanda
MizJ chapter 17 . 6/30/2008
OMG YOU UPDATED! YAY! *does a dance*

i loved it, i swear everytime i read a new chapter from you it just keeps getting better and better.

Can't wait to read more,

Sam
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