sounds good. who's nancy?

aw this was adoreable. good job :) I'm adding you to my C2.

Beautifully written. Very sweet.

Hahaha, what a great ending! I'd say I felt guilty picking apart such a sweet story but it might help you make your next one even better. :)

The beginning was a little choppy - all throughout the story, in fact, you only ever used periods and commas to punctuate your sentences. Practice using semicolons, dashes and whatnot; it is well worth the effort. I might not use them perfectly, but at least I've used them enough to know when varying degrees of finality in a sentence fits and what to use for it.

Is this really the first time you've written a story like this? It really is quite nice. There were only a couple of things I'd noticed that seemed awkward or out of place. The first few lines feel clunky but the piece smoothed out as you continued.

"The kisses became less soft and hungrier..." I'd say either "less" of two things or "ier" of two others. Sometimes the variety balances but here the "less," then "more" words clash.

Hope that helps! I enjoyed it a lot and definitely want to read whatever you cook up next. :)

It's totally adorable and amazing and I love it. Lol.

Cute and fluffy. Great for Valentine's. How about a follow-up?

I love the ending. :)

Hey! well, i think your story is good, i know that it'll be a lot better to read the "foreshadowing"/build-up of ben's feelings towards helena's cause that can make the situation more reasonable...also, i think that you should take advantage of the first person point of view by throwing in more signs of helena's personality so that the reader can know her more. and lastly, in my own opinion, i think that'll be REALLY good as a side plot instead of romance and everything to be the main plot cause...i'm not really into romance :D

keep working on it!

haha i love the ending but the whole thing was really cute i liked it!

I like it and it came together really well. For some reason, I really like the aunt's role with the "am I interrupting something?" Don't ask me why.

just some notes

-alter your sentence structure-it's all subject-verb but if you change it, it sophisticates (even a word?) your writing

-why did ben come? i know they're friends but it's still random. maybe give it more reason.

-the transition into making out is pretty random. maybe nudge more into it.

other than that, i think your diction is excellent and your voice mature. kudos.

I was on the "Reviews go around" thing, so I thought i'd check this out.

I think it's really good. You don't make them sound forced or 2-dimensional. I like it. And I can't wait to get to read the full story. I love fantasy. I do check out romance sometimes, but i'm not one for sappy love stories, i'm one for a fantasy story with a little love thrown in. So you're story sounds wonderful!

-Katie