|Reviews for Night|
| a silenced revolution chapter 1 . 2/17/2008
I love how imagery-rich and metaphorical this is. Lovely.
| Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 2/17/2008
I really liked this. The imagery was solid and the structure worked well, in most parts, to give this a unique flow.
I do have a few suggestions though:
1. The first two lines can be read two ways, firstly "Beauty trails behind: a wick snuffed out." or "Beauty trails behind a wick snuffed out." I kept reading it as the former simply because I couldn't quite grasp the latter due to the construction. Clarification of the second line would make this a stronger opener.
2. Kill the comma after "us" on L1 of the second stanza and the comma after "blue" on L1 of the third stanza. They're unnecessary.
3. Instead of "leaves", why not something more engaging like "taints" or "smears". Something to indicate the kind of "mark" left. "Leaves" feels too passive.
Aside from those nitpicks, I do quite like this. A solid poem with great imagery.