|Reviews for The Pizza, the Prophet, and Myself|
| Solemn Coyote chapter 1 . 5/21/2008
As a fellow coyote-based author, I saw this and figured I might as well drop a review.
1)First off, this is great writing. It manages to be abstract and tongue-in-cheek at the same time ("besides, he likes sitting on the floor. He’s used to it.") Reminds me a bit of Kelly Link's writing, which is a compliment.
2) I, personally, like how human you made Mohammad here. I think that's a good trait in any religious figure. It's hard to identify with them when they're some sort of spiritual astronaut, impossibly high above everyone. Then again, it's easier to worship them that way.
I can see people taking offense here, of course. It's surprising how little a sense of humor people have when their religion is involved. So, I guess I'd have to ask if you'd be willing to write this sort of piece about any religion, including your own. If so, lots of respect.
3) Oh, before I get any further, I should say that 'the pizza, the prophet, and myself' should have 'I' instead of 'myself', but it really doesn't matter that much, because it's all in vernacular anyways.
4)"and these days fighting games tend to make him feel a bit uncomfortable." The section about Mohammad's gaming preferences made me smile. I can totally see any messiah getting addicted to puzzle games. They're a lot easier than, say, peace. And they give you points every time you make progress. Peace, on the other hand, does not.
5)"He fed every cat he saw, especially the stay ones. He really likes cats, and they like him." Great detail, moreso because it's got actual religious precedent behind it.
6)"people were able to tell who I was with and took cake to walk well around us." I'm going to assume that word there was supposed to be 'care', but the image the typo conjures is no less awesome. Baking cake for the prophet really doesn't seem like that bad of an idea.
7)"We don’t get to the purpose of out outing" I just didn't understand that line.
8)“It’s not you. It’s me.” This is maybe one of the sweetest, most whimsical stories of someone losing their faith (in a WalMart's, no less) that I've ever read. Possibly I'm reading too much into it. Actually, that's pretty likely. It's got sorta the feel of a spur-of-the-moment writing experiment, but it's awesome despite that.
9)"The prophet’s brow furrows," I like this story better in the present tense, but the rest of it is in the past. Might be easier just to switch this line to past tense as well.
10)"I suppose I should move on toard other matters." 'toward'. I should add, by the way, that I'm feeling really sorry for Mohammad by this point. He's full of enlightenment and forgiveness of course, so he can take it.
11) All in all, this story was leagues better than I'd suspected it might be, when I first glanced at the title and the synopsis. I expected it to be frivolous. And it almost was. But it managed instead to walk that fine line between serious and frivolous, and it turned out really good. Thank you for writing it.
| starry chapter 1 . 2/21/2008
erm...this is a very weird concept and it seems to be full of humour. It did make me laugh at some points. Especially the cucumber joke but its not something you would associate with The prophet Muhammed pbuh. Can i ask if youre a muslim and where the heck did you get such inspiration from? its good overall but a bit too individual. I think some people may take it offensive as well. i mean you dont usually see A long gone Prophet pbuh wandering around wal-mart. Anyways meassaage me back and let me know.