Reviews for Intrigue At The Crowned Jewel
Midnights Scream chapter 24 . 6/12/2008
:) i'm glad that worked out! They're so cute and I'm glad things aren't being rushed, but that they're taking their time and loving each other. I love the couple. I don't want him to have to leave and get married. it's so sad and mean! Love the story anyway! Can't wait for the next chapter! :)
Pundit chapter 8 . 6/12/2008
Love the story so far. It's very inventive. However, you did ask your readers to point out any oddities if we found them (or think we have). So, with that in mind, I find it odd that Sebastian doesn't know what humans can and cannot do, specifically talking to domesticated beasts. Even if he has limited outside experience and servants spoke to cats or dogs (and he's competing with Red Ivy for IQ points), I still think Sebastian's mother, the Madame of the brothel, would have gone over it. Even if she were a neglectful mother (as it seems), she sounds like one hell of a business woman. And if her rules state that employees shouldn't go around flaunting their less(or more)-than-human traits, during the 2 weeks of training and the years under her thumb, Sebastian should know how to act around clients. I know he doesn't interact with them in this manner on even a limited basis, but even as basic training I think Capricious Rose would have gone over it. She seems to thorough. I think you'd do better with him accidentally letting the fact slip than being wholly ignorant of it. It makes him seem a little stupid and his mother seem a little sloppy. Of course, that might have been your intention, but both those impressions go against the characters you've set up so far. I'm willing to believe he doesn't know what a horse is (even though that also makes Sebastian sound a little dim), but not knowing magical versus non magical traits contradicts the premise you've already set up.

P.S. No, I really, really, REALLY like your story. Why else would I ramble about it for ages? I'm lazy. I'm sorry that you've become the victim of my OCD like rantings. I only put the energy into it when it involves a story I particularly like (though I doubt that makes my opinionated review much easier to wade through.)
Vera Dicere chapter 24 . 6/10/2008
i happened to find your story a few days ago on someone's favorites list and was intrigued by the premise. i'm kind of a sucker for prostitute/courtesan stories. i really enjoyed this story from the start, but i must say i was pleasantly surprised as the story progressed. you've added more depth of character and plot than i was expecting, to be honest. i'm really quite fond of all your characters [sebastian, adrian, cameo, and jade in particular] and i honestly was not expecting half the plot twists that have been executed. i love that you set out to write this with goals in mind [unreliable narrator, flawed main character, grey area of good/evil, etc] and i think you've accomplished them all rather well.

now, since you requested a few chapters back any ideas readers have about what's going to happen in the story, i present you with my theory: i'm still convinced adrian is the prince. the prophecy says that sebastian has to match with/sleep with him so that he can see truly and this will save the kingdom. i think that adrian will realize he's quite in love with sebastian and find some way to get out of his marriage, which will be a good thing because his betrothed's family plans on usurping the kingdom. or something of that nature. even if i'm totally wrong, i'm definitely looking forward to finding out! :D
Touch-of-Frost chapter 24 . 6/10/2008
I really am so glad I found this story- it's one of the best I've read on fictionpress or anywhere else. I actually found it because many of the people who like my story had yours under their favorites as well, and I decided to read it. I kept on because, not only is it a terrific tale, but it is strangely reminiscent of one of my own sitting alone in a folder in my laptop.

But, back to the review: Your attention to detail is amazing, though you could broaden it a bit. Of course, leaving the detail vague also gives the reader more freedom to put their own unique twists on things- also a great technique. Your characters are flawed, but keeping in mind the quote "You like someone for their perfections, but you love them for their flaws", it hooks the reader and keeps them attentive. Feeling like you can connect to the characters makes you eager to read more about them.

The relationship progressing between Sebastien and Adrian has been full of intriguing twists and bumps, very involving. It seems to have gotten to the point where less outside problems will be focused on, at least when it comes to the character pertaining to their relationship. However, having said that, there also seems to be some huge plot twist looming in the distance. I can feel that it's about to break, and that it very much involves not only Sebastien but also Adrian to a large extent.

The world you have created is perplexing and stimulating, interesting and creative. Your chapters are long, which makes the reader only that much more eager to partake. You are a great writer, and I hope you only get better! Thanks for the chapter,

K.Z. Langford
Nonasuki-chan chapter 24 . 6/10/2008
First, let me say that I think that this is undoubtedly one of the best stories that I have been privileged to read. Secondly, I would like to say this: "SQE!" Even though I generally read every slash story that I come upon, if it sounds interesting (and if I'm desperate for a story, even if it doesn't), I hadn't found this one until recently. Granted, that's probably because I think it's been a year since I've been on the site, but that's not important. Basically, I just wanted to tell you that you have done an excellent job with everything in this story and that the reason that man people wouldn't have mentioned the plot holes is because they were too intrigued and spellbound by the story to notice them. Plus, you do an amazing job of alluding to things that seem to make up for the plot holes. Well, most of them. I still wondered why no one asked about the scars.

Sorry about the ramble. My only excuse for it is that I have been depriving myself of sleep so that I could read this story in two nights reading. Like I've said, this story is amazing (although I would love it if there was some way to heal Sebastian's scars. I prefer to have happy endings where any pains that the good guys suffer through are fixed.)

Speaking of Sebastian, I admire the way that you managed to give him such obvious flaws (i.e., his vanity) and yet make me fall in love with him. Actually, I couldn't decide who I liked more out of Sebastian and Black Viper. Even though I knew that they were the same person, they acted so differently that they seemed to be different. In short, I loved them both.

Well, I think that this is the longest review that I have left anyone. As anything else that I might say after this point will just be repeat variations on the phrase "Good job, I love your story!" I'll quit with one last thought.

Damn, you're good.

Shalli chapter 14 . 6/9/2008
I wanted to say that I especially love your characterization of Sarrin/Amber Cameo. It's dialogue is very gender-neutral, and I enjoy it very much. However, in this chapter, you use 'he' instead of 'it' when referring to Cameo. Is there a reason for this that I missed?
Liviania chapter 24 . 6/9/2008
Are there villians in this story to make ugly? Although actually, I rather like the sexy sort of villian. Evil can be very charismatic.

Oh no, not the butter jar!

I'm bad at catching plot holes when reading a chapter at a time. I'm often reading several updates and don't have the worldbuilding at the forefront of my mind.

But aw, Sebastian and Adrian were so cute in this chapter.

Blithe Lee chapter 24 . 6/8/2008
1) yay, update!

2) There are two more plotholes, actually, but I always seem to forget to tell you about them. Such as now. ;; When I remember, I'll tell you.

(I guess the issue is that I review right after I read, and I'm too busy bouncing off walls to suddenly stop and go "Wait, what? That didn't make sense.")

3) *melts into gurgles at the fluffy sweetness*

4) I think you did a really nice job of having atypical characters, plus you worked really hard on this story, and it shows.

Rayne Auster chapter 24 . 6/8/2008
Nope, I did notice that he was scar free. :D I simply assumed it was the residue of the curse from Adrien. As for none of his coworkers being affected. Lets just say that with the flurry of what was actually happening around Seb at the time that would be the least of his problems... Besides... They do know him and would probably assume he cast the spell on himself. LOL. Also I assumed it was less potent by the time they got to him. Kind of like it having less of an effect after the initial encounter with Lime Jade the first time.

PS... I have encountered stories where the bad guys are pretty and I still don't like them... LMAO!
lira chapter 23 . 6/7/2008
i so want them to have a happy ending. so much.
toolazytosignin chapter 23 . 6/5/2008
...need more! When are you going to update, I be checking everday!
Three Score and Ten chapter 23 . 6/4/2008
YES! Take that, stupid mask! *victory dance* The explosion was definitely one of my favourite, most satisfying moments of the story; I have been thinking the mask needed to go almost since the start.

Also, I am sensing another Dramatic Reveal of some sort in regards to a) the letter the keeps coming up and b) the Emporer's son (maybe?). Cannot wait. Thank you so much for writing this story...and as always, Jade is loventh (with good fashion sense, apparently). _
Midnights Scream chapter 23 . 5/31/2008
Awwhh. I'm glad he's worked things out with everyone. I was getting worried. I think you did the description well too and I think he's beautiful. :) Can't wait until next chapter! love the story!
Rumble chapter 20 . 5/30/2008
Wow. I spent two days reading this entire story. I simply love it! LOVE IT! Everything is so exciting and engaging, I couldn't stop reading. Do you know what that means? I haven't read anything like this since Katicalocke posted her magebound story, which was, like, two years ago. I could spend all day praising your work.

I've never read such a twisting tale as this, complicated, romantic, magical, and more. Much, much more. Your characters seem so real, so rounded like three dimension, I was jealous that you could do this so masterfully. Please, do not stop, for if you would cease writing these heart-striking words, so would my own heart seize in its cage and die mournfully at the loss.
Mela chapter 23 . 5/28/2008
Wow, this is a great story. I can't wait to read the next chapter. I really want to know for certain who Adrian is, I have guesses but that doesn't mean I'll be right. And I like how you handled the situation between Sebastian and Adrian after he got his memories back. Keep up the great work.

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