|Reviews for Intrigue At The Crowned Jewel|
| nutbuster chapter 24 . 7/8/2012
You certainly achieved having a cast of ambiguous characters.
In the previous chapter, I assumed they were all immune to Seb's cursed face.. and I'm sad to say that I missed the scar-free thing, as well.
Things seem to be wrapping up nicely.. heh heh, but I wouldn't mind seeing more Blued Moon interaction. :) Maybe a one-shot with Cameo. It would be pseudo-horror, of course. ;)
But really, is/was Lav pregnant? I don't recall, but did you ever talk about contraception at all? (I also think Cameo secretly wants to top Seb. That would be amusing!)
Plus, what is the answer to the riddle, and who is this elusive prince?
| nutbuster chapter 23 . 7/7/2012
"Personally, I suspected the later," I think you mean "latter."
How come in previous chapters, there was no mention of Seb's hair being arranged in a pristine manner before being placed under a wig? What's the point of putting pearls into his hair if it's hidden, right?
| nutbuster chapter 22 . 7/7/2012
" He was as quick a learner as I was, copying the moves I made and combining them into others of his own invention in response to the groans I couldn't prevent."
I just thought this sentence seemed really out of place out of... the.. fluff...
| nutbuster chapter 21 . 7/7/2012
The Hallmark thing was sort of boring for my taste. I thought there would be waterworks or something... and then I realized, "Wow. This was all Seb's idea so he doesn't really deserve that."
Still a bit unexpected that CR would show affection for her son. I thought they had a slightly more strained relationship, not one where affection is sort of okay-slight awkwardness. (I thought she was a much stricter follow-my-own-morals-not-get-swept-away person.)
Now that all the confusion among the party is over with, I wonder how Seb will tackle the truth to Adrian.
| nutbuster chapter 20 . 7/7/2012
What... is... this chapter...
When Viktor reappeared here, I thought they thought Viktor-chicken mask was the prince (which was quickly dispelled when they addressed Adrian.) So.. was Viktor hired to help Seb lose his mind and quit his life as a courtesan? Or maybe Viktor has a twin?
It'd be quite interesting if Seb has some kind of berserk effect that he inherited from his father (if his father was already under the curse before Seb was born.) I'm guessing they had to remove Fawn because she knew too much and was hinting things to Seb?
Plus, if it is known that dragons can mess up spells, why did they allow Cameo to be within close proximity to Seb? Or is it only knowledge to Jade/old-Seb? I feel like a lot of your characters seem very flat, or not very... I can't remember the word. Cultivated? It's been mostly Seb and his inner storm, Jade and his changing emotions, and Adrian sort of entering an end caterpillar stage (but not quite.) Everyone else is just buffer-support-secretive-whisps. I wonder if Cameo will be fleshed out some more? The only person I seem to like/look forward to would be the manager, because she seems the most stable (and predictable) of them all. Everyone else seems like a wreck at this point.
By the way, I did think Adrian turned into a beast after 11PM on Tuesdays. And I honestly still think of the first chapter as separate from this entire story, haha. I also thought the kid who was so adamant against Black Viper was the prince.. Revisiting the fold-up curtain/partition would be nice. And attempting to understand what the role the unicorn played would be nice. (Is that Adrian's crest?)
Looking forward to read how you've gone about it.
| nutbuster chapter 19 . 7/7/2012
"I was wasn't I wished to understand them, either." huh? This sentence seems a bit confusing.
Anyway, I was getting a bit disheartened until this chapter. It finally feels as if the plot is actually advancing. I really enjoy the memory spells... although I rather did hope Seb would forsake everything in the Jewel and become a wanderer, heh. Then he could just... die...
It's not like I really want him dead, but it seems as if he's being led around everywhere, AND it seems like weeks have passed since a lot of things have occurred, but it's only been a span of what? Two or three days? Each of Seb's personas seem to have been seen by Adrian in those three days and it's like.. "When are you going to slip up, Seb? I'm waiting."
And is that really all to Adrian? Is he a self-conscious gummy bear forever? Maybe he really needs to sort out his attachment/physical/touch issues first. Him becoming a druggie wouldn't be too surprising. He just seems like a tragic character while Seb is the ignorant damsel in constant distress.
Anyway. The memory spell-the incantation itself-has a lovely sound to it. Very soothing/lullaby for me, heh. I also enjoyed this other side of Lav and Diamond. Also, does this mean Fawn has been missing for.. two days? :v A bit strange that no one noticed, so maybe she has been subjected to the erasing spell a few times already.
I hope you haven't had any hospitalizations since the last chapter. Take care, sweet author!
| nutbuster chapter 18 . 7/7/2012
You didn't mention Adrian's features in this chapter..? (Not that I saw.) I'm assuming he visited with a scarred face.
| nutbuster chapter 17 . 7/6/2012
Have you watched/read any of the later Harry Potter storylines, and how each person's patronus is distinctly their own? But for those who have some sort of emotional thing going on, their patronus changes? (Snape, Tonks, etc.) Is Sebastian going through something similar with his physical appearance?
Maybe this chapter would make more sense if you had a one-shot featuring the forgotten-old vision (unless it happened in a prior chapter), and maybe another one-shot featuring chicken guy's first attack on Sebastian. (And more backstories.) Sometimes I feel very, very confused trying to understand what's going on in the story. Like, why do the others think Jade as someone, well, very out there? Or how did Seb's mom come up with this brothel idea? I know they seem unrelated to the storyline (and highly unimportant) but.. I don't know. Maybe I just have a difficult time trying to grasp concepts.
I'm also getting annoyed by Seb's voices. Why does he want to forget? Doesn't he love Adrian for who he is? When will Seb stop losing consciousness?
| I'mColdInTheSun chapter 29 . 7/6/2012
Who in God's name does this POV belong to?
It's making me freak out. I can't recognize it.
Guys, I'm having a meltdown here. o.o
| nutbuster chapter 16 . 7/6/2012
Sebastian's selfishness is bothering me a bit... then again, if I met him in real life, I would be wary of him. Also, his awkwardness certainly is. It's like, "just tell the truth already!" you know?
Very, very confused about things that have occurred so far. (And that paragraph of medicine-magic text, while essential, I.. it seems so.. conveniently placed. Like the cap your friend made so blatant. Maybe incorporate (over a few chapters) some tidbits about magic-side effects? While this might be the second (or third) chapter with information about the topic, it seems so hunkered together. Or maybe I'm just slow.
Also, I enjoyed a previous chapter's mention about dilated pupils and their relation to narcotics/opiods... It makes me fear that Adrian's going to get withdrawals and die somehow.
What was the deal with the defense jewel? Why wasn't Lavender experiencing the same damsely-woozy Sebastian is prone to? And are "redirects" magic? ("I was hoping that they would activate the redirects so that we wouldn't be bothered by anyone else walking by.") Do they send the person on a magically-induced route that is not part of the floor plan? Maybe they shorten walks to x-destination or they lengthen walks because of detours..?
And what's the deal with the unicorn (a plot device to force original Sebastian-Macaw with ex-virgin Adrian?) and Blue Moon acting like an out-of-nowhere, hot-shot-sexy, pushing-up-glasses, dramatic-gleam person? (I like to pretend he and the owner get it on. Maybe I'd go visit him and Diamond, heh heh.)
I really hope Seb's character growth goes well. It's like he's turned into a blubbering idiot.
I have a lot more things to say, but sleep deprivation might make this comment of mine even more unintelligible... Can't wait for more awkward sexual tension.
| nutbuster chapter 12 . 7/5/2012
I can't wait to eventually reread the story. Sebastian and Jade seem to have extremely good chemistry. If you know what I mean.
| nutbuster chapter 11 . 7/5/2012
You.. you cow! You're such a riot. :) I will be very sad to leave this world once I finish reading your story. I suppose Adrian's scars were self inflicted, if this chapter said anything. (it's always fun to guess!)
Also, have I said I really enjoy your writing! While I'm still confused (very) about Sebastian and Jade, I hope I'll be able to understand it eventually. I also forgot just how tall Amber is. I imagined a beautiful waif, but that might be wrong.
| nutbuster chapter 9 . 7/5/2012
I honestly don't know how to convey my emotions, so I'll use emoticons. (hopefully they show up?)
(・・ ) )ﾉ (ιД)ﾉ () Ｏ( )Ｏ ლ(́౪‵ლ) (I thought he actually said Adrian's name!) ( ・ω・) (_) ?
I don't really understand the seriousness of that erection-flop (heh) near the end. So what if Sebastian was still hard? Does it signify (to Jade) that Jade wasn't satisfactory for Sebastian? Or does Jade think Sebastian used blue-magic a la viagra the who time? Poor Jade. I suppose he must love Sebastian or something.
| I'mColdInTheSun chapter 21 . 7/5/2012
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh. My. God.
How is this...what are you...why...
| nutbuster chapter 7 . 7/5/2012
I really, really enjoy the bits of humor incorporated. And I really appreciate the "hidden within plain sight" stuff you're doing. ...although.. I don't think Sarrin's ability was obvious until the poor child seemed to burst at the seams.
I also forgot about Rabbit. I wonder if he plays a significant role..
Finally, I've never (I don't recall) paying attention to things such as clothing. IE, cap position. Crown Duel by Sherwood Smith has quite a few "fan-speak," which is somewhat essential in the second book. Noting the positions one's hand and fan is in communicates to others quite well. Still, I've learned that seemingly insignificant details seem to pose importance later in the story. (even though I don't exactly remember this while reading, haha.) Why else would the author include such a thing, right?
Anyway, I hope you're not stumped like the friend you mentioned. It would be quite boring to blatantly state something when you can convey it in other ways.
I'm quite offended (by that, I mean bothered) when Sebastian refers to Sarrin as "it." I mean, while there isn't, well, an exact and precise pronoun to use (or is "it" the one?) for Sarrin.. well.. I don't know. I guess you are quite limited, heh. rambling!