Reviews for Intrigue At The Crowned Jewel
Unhappy Feet chapter 15 . 1/15/2012
I'm taking a moment out of my very busy schedule (said schedule consisting entirely of reading and enjoying this story to completion) to share with you my humble opinion:

Firstly though, I must admit that while I was reading, I was also distracted by thoughts of, "Damn, this is good, I simply must review," and had somehow composed a beautiful and elegant letter to you in my mind, complete with gentle criticism, wooping congratulations and unabashed flattery.

But for some frustrating reason, as soon as I clicked that infernal little button labeled "Review This Chapter", the entire letter fled from my mind like mist before the sun.

It's terribly annoying.

All I can think to say now is; Holy shite, what a read. You've opened my eyes to a great many things, and I'm only ... what? A third of the way yet? Goodness gracious!

Thank you, great Author, for sharing your talen.
Onkey chapter 1 . 1/3/2012
I adore this. thanks for writing this 3
Yellow Cotton Hat chapter 30 . 12/23/2011
I have enjoyed this story so, so much, and I have to thank you for it; it's saved me from almost incurable boredom (and stolen some much needed sleep) over the last few days, but I can't really fault it for the latter! I waited in bated breath for at least half of this, and I was incredibly happy in the end. I loved the bonus stories at the end too!

So thanks again (:
Arya Yamamoto chapter 30 . 10/24/2011
Love the story, love the characters, love the romance, and love de smut...

Write more! XD
lemon sketches chapter 11 . 10/21/2011
Ah! Your author note hopefully clarifies why Black Viper's mask stays on in the presence of this mother. I was wondering that, since she has this anti-magic shield.

All in all, the story has been awesome so far! I'm really loving Seb and wanting to see more of Grey Diamond. :D
HelloBilby chapter 6 . 8/23/2011
It's my opinion that a main character needs faults to be likable. If the main character of a story is perfect, I just stop reading because it irritates me.

Vanity, if done well, can be a really interesting characteristic for a character to have. Vanity really suits Sebastian, and from the little bits that I've read so far about his life, I think It would be odd if he wasn't a bit vain.

Stubbornness - to the point of not being able to see that they're wrong - is a trait I find really annoying in main characters, and would be really hard to pull off.

I realise you finished this story almost a year ago, but I thought I'd just write and tell you that I find it a compelling story with really interesting characters and am really enjoying reading it.
Alex Dark chapter 1 . 7/16/2011
I like this story a lot. I am curious about the person behind the Black Viper mask. What about the 'cursed prince?'

I will keep an eye out for the things you are looking for in reviews. It is kind of hard to do so with just the first chapter though. i think you will be glad to know I didn't find any spelling or grammatical mistakes/ Other than that i will have to keep reading.

Crystalynn chapter 1 . 6/28/2011
I will soon be rereading this. If you'd like me to point out possible errors or typos along the way, please let me know. If you've already found a beta to do so, let me know that also. Either way, this needs ten more reviews at least to make an even 300.

For the record, the final chapter of this was a MUCH more witty request than the steampunk one, which I personally, would have promptly turned down. I must commend you for taking it on, just as I commend you for weaving so many bewitching tales of exquisite perfection.
Disney Is Hardcore chapter 28 . 5/20/2011
I never understood the girl who went to heaven story. *shrug*

to be honest, I was expecting Adrian to move to the jewel or something; because of all the hints seb dropped about how he'll miss his friends and stuff.. But now that I think if it, I guess that's slightly out of the question considering the king and queen think seb is estranged from his mum... *shrug*

I feel so bad for cameo and jade though ;-; they -and the main characters, bien sûr- are my favourites, and they are both made sad :( I think you should give cameo it's own story/oneshot HINT.

To be honest, when Adrian proposed, I was thinking something more along the lines that seb was; I certainly didn't expect him to be proposing. But that was so much better~

I really like the nickname seb. Idk. I want to meet a Sebastian for the sole purpose that I can call him seb. :D

Yeah. :)
Disney Is Hardcore chapter 22 . 5/20/2011
I think this might be my favourite chapter. After what you said in your reply, I thought to re-read it. :) I think I like it because it is the first chapter where things take a permanent turn for the better. As seb has told him everything- the deception and such- what more can really ruin it? Surely nothing as bad, anyhow. I find it interesting how Adrian reacted. I remember wondering what that chapter would be like told from his point of view; because obviously if sebastian can't read him, I can't... Idk, it just intrigues me thinking of Adrian...

Another thing which attracted me to this chapter was how Sebastian was acting before he managed to tell Adrian. It's a weirdthing to like, probably, but i liked it because that is how I act in similar situations; covering my mouth, breathing more and such like. *shrug* maybe it's because of that theory about people liking stuff they can relate to... (does that even exist? What? ...whatever)

Yeah. :)

And I was wondering about something in snowfall. Jade didn't like being without a mask, yes? From snowfall, I got the impression that all of the courtesans wore masks; but from this it seems that none but viper wears one. Is there a reason for that, or am I missing something here..?

I confess, I was calling cameo Amber because I couldn't remember 'cameo', just 'something beginning with c'. If you made it a she, it probably wouldn't affect new readers at all; but Amber is a more feminine name and cameo sounds more masculine; which could be why people think of it as a he. (or possibly because it's a slash story and some people who read slash expect a completely male cast..)

I don't know, the thing about a collection of oneshots would work really well with this setting/universe/whatever because there are so many characters vaguely referenced in it. Slashing cactus (I'd really like to know about this one because they have an interesting name and it is vaguely alluded to but not really explained); ash grey; (brown faun? Something like that) the sphinx, a SPHINX? that's so cool... &c..

But yeah. Idk. :)
Disney Is Hardcore chapter 17 . 5/18/2011
OH! I am not a quarter way through this chapter but a thought struck me suddenly and the revelation made me gasp out loud, quite embarrassingly if there had been one to hear me.

I've read one of your other stories; I confess I don't remember the name; but it was about the village in the snow; the family who lived together; the main character a man who had little feelings not practical with a girl called Lee; a courtesan from the Jewel with green hair and eyes whose colour he can change. For a couple of chapters the name jade has rung a bell (though I am not sure if that is me making things up; there is a dragon story with a man with green hair which I read so much I could probably recite it) but suddenly I realised, ADRIAN! and sebastian.. In the carriage at the end of the aforementioned story; that Sebastian had to masquerade as a girl... I feel illy that it took me this long to put it together. I'd like to state for the record that I did realise that the story told by the green-haired man (about one who could have had any patron he wished; but was unhappy) was about seb.

Ah, I've just spent lots of time explaining something to you that you probably didn't need to know. Idek.

I tried to review before now; but the one time I got to actually typing words, all I produced was "...woah..." and I don't want to leave a meaningless review but I honestly had no words to describe it. That didn't feel abnormally silly.

It was the chapter when Adrian is lying on viper after a massage (which sounds far less innocuous the way I have phrased that...)

Honestly, this story is captivating. I don't know what it is, because your writing seems more real- less fluffy I suppose- than what I have read recently. I honestly can't tell, but if this story had 80 chapters I could tell you that I'd read it (large chapter counts intimidate me...)

Honestly I can feel everything the characters feel. You don't go into huge detail (in the more recent chapters where I have been less dazed and more inclined to notice) on the feelings and awkward who's and why's, but I find myself feeling emotions as if they were my own. Sometimes this happens to me, but it is stronger in this story than any other I remember. If sebastian's breath catches, mine does too, and I felt myself lusting for something that doesn't even exist out of that dimension where stories reside.

When I looked at this, I was actually expecting a series of 30 oneshots centred around the Jewel (i got that impression from the summary) and it took through the second paragraph to realise that this was indeed about the same person.

Oh! But I'm gutted that I already know what happens to seb and Adrian; though I was already 'knowing' (in the hopeful way you always wish for a happy ending) that they would be together and happy; but it is my own fault for ignoring the warning that it was based after this story.

Ah, I can say this is the longest review I've ever written in my life; most of it is rambling I'm afraid and I'm so sorry for that... I have forgotten what you said at the end of the first paragraph about things you are specifically wondering about in reviews.

Amber: the hermaphrodite; I always forget this, I don't know why but I always think of it as a 'he' and I find my brain trying to correct you saying 'it' before I remember that 'he' actually IS an 'it'. I don't know, maybe it is hard for me to process that one can have two genders...*shrug*

BUT ENOUGH of my inner monologue of wasted words; I must get back to reading your truly delightful story. Peace3
probably just one of a million chapter 30 . 4/14/2011
You are amazing. Oh my goodness.

First of all; your characters are quite to die for. Because they're so vulnerable and nasty and wonderful that although I wouldn't want to marry them I would want to just sit down and talk to them for a while. And possibly stare and drool too, because the way you're described them makes terribly lovely mental images.

And your whole world and plot was freaking amazing. I love magic and the way you've created this whole culture makes me very happy. It's obvious that you've spent loads of time on research. And I love the fact that you want people to tell you what you've done wrong and tell you plot holes. Actually, I think you've caught a bunch yourself that I didn't even see.

I love your author notes.

Just a bit of concrit- sometimes you had typos, but they weren't enough to detract from the whole of the story. Also, Sebastian at the end becomes slightly over the top (in my opinion) with how much he loves Adrian. I just feel like he wouldn't be that vocal all the time. However, he is your character so I'm sure you know more about him than I do.

But I love this story so much :)

Love from,

Anon chapter 30 . 4/11/2011


That is just unfair.

I have read your story three times. THREE. Front to back to front to back again times three.




Because I can't read it without having the irresistable urge to squee like the most brainless of fangirls and you're going to have to pay for my roommate's therapy if this keeps up.


But seriously if you weren't a girl we could have beautiful, witty children together. Or average-looking and incoherent ones, I suppose, if they took after my side of the family. BUT ALAS. OUR LOVE IS NOT TO BE. ALACK. MY HEART~~
writtenbyrandom chapter 15 . 1/26/2011
I wasn't planning to review quite so soon, I wanted to wait and give a more thorough one once I'd read all the chapters, but I must comment on one thing in particular. I've really enjoyed this story thus far, especially this world you've built for your characters. I suppose my only complaint, if it could even be called on, is that I wish Cameo's pronoun wasn't 'it,' and I'm not entirely sure why you're using such a dehumanizing word to refer him and her. Why not simply 'them'?

Please don't take this comment as snark or a flame or anything of that nature; I am actually curious as to the answer. However, as offputting as that description is, it certainly won't keep me from finishing this awesome story.
Darkwolflink1 chapter 1 . 1/11/2011
i love this hole story XDXDXDXD
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