|Reviews for Elements' Melody|
| Typing Typhoon chapter 3 . 6/13/2010
The roster of mythical creatures here is intersting. I can easily say that this is the first time I've read of a minotaur, a werewolf (right?). and an elf sharing a same fic.
Epic stuff here, I look forward to coming back for future submissions.
| Typing Typhoon chapter 2 . 6/13/2010
Yeah, I like this fic. Iniss is an interesting character and there is a wealth of stroy to be extracted from here.
| Typing Typhoon chapter 1 . 6/13/2010
Nice prolouge. That's weird, up until now I've never seen this story before. I'm glad I dropped in. :D
| Searite chapter 1 . 4/27/2010
nice opening for a story, love the concept,
| Singer Sira chapter 44 . 2/15/2010
I really love this story. You are a very talented writer, and I can't wait to hear what happens next. Keep up the good work.
| Adis Crow chapter 30 . 2/14/2010
Aha, a revelation. It seems Arthell's not your average 2-dimensional villain (which just makes him an even better character). I'm on tenterhooks to know more about the rest of his past.
One suggestion: be a little more conservative in breaking down the dialogue. The atmosphere and character of the speaker already come through just fine, so the pauses for description would have greater effect if they were used less frequently. For instance here:
..."and only escaped because the music warned me to duck at just the right time.”
The elf breathed in. “The Reviler had scores of nosferatu under his command, using them to spread his hate and rage in the form of death. I saw one while I was fleeing; it sounded just like that- a horrid creature that poisoned the world around it.” The elf frowned a moment and continued. “I had seen nosferatu before"...
I'd say the first break ("the elf breathed in") isn't necessary. You're already starting a new paragraph anyways.
| The Wolf Demon chapter 1 . 10/30/2009
Iniss sounds like a child molester lol. He's thinking about little boys and their music ? Sorry, didn't mean to knock your story, i'm just saying...maybe you want to revise that.
| Hosted B. Thurst'n chapter 6 . 8/23/2009
I only read eight paragraphs of chapter 6 and there's already a million things wrong with this story. Whatever, hopefully I can enlighten you on some of your most horrendously amateurish mistakes.
1. Make things more action-packed. For example, you wrote: "they knew that he hungered for some news of elves;" to improve this, skip to a flashback (or dream sequence - you can never have too much of those) of Blesh savagely eating a newspaper. Done.
2. Describe your characters. Sure, I know how they "feel" and what they generally look like, but is this enough? No! You never once mentioned anyone's abs or pecs, and I have no idea how many veins are popping out of that lizard's biceps. An easy fix is to just toss the words 'sexy' and 'hot' around as often as possible (that way I can just imagine what they look like). Example: "Besh looked up at the SEXY thing and swallowed the HOT lump in his throat."
3. Insert more exclamation marks and explosions! Just imagine how much more awesome your dialog would be if there was more yelling and exploding heads! It's so simple!
These points, if used to maximum effect, may just save your story. You're welcome.
Hosted B. Thurst'n
| GiygasV chapter 5 . 8/19/2009
Hey, I read up to chapter 5 - I know, I'm really behind - and so far I'm really enjoying it a lot. All of your characters seem unique and thought out (Iniss is awesome) and I have no idea where the plot's heading.
My only tiny complaint - and it's not even something necessarily "wrong" - is that many of your sentences and paragraphs start with the word "Blesh" or "Iniss"; I'm very guilty of this too so maybe I shouldn't talk, but sometimes it feels slightly redundant.
Anyway, great intro, great first couple of chapter, and an interesting "music" and "shadow" thing. I'll definitely be reading more.
Great job (again).
While reading chapter 5 I spent a few minutes looking at my hand's shadow. Thank you for making me feel like an idiot.
| The Silent Orion chapter 41 . 8/16/2009
lol, so grev pretty much is a vampire. I was very close. Ehh, other'n that I've got nothing to say.
| The Silent Orion chapter 40 . 8/15/2009
Go Bale! That's my immediate thought, lol. My second is oh crap arthel's made a vamp. That's actually all i've to say.
| The Silent Orion chapter 39 . 8/2/2009
Well, this was a bit of a boring chapter, honestly, but it still carried the same quality as the rest, so there's not much to complain about.
| AJ chapter 38 . 7/31/2009
It's developing really well, please continue.
| The Silent Orion chapter 38 . 7/26/2009
This is quite good. I like the system you have for magic, though the one I use myself is far different. The same goes for the world you've created.
| Adis Crow chapter 29 . 3/1/2009
Hello! Sorry, I haven't been reviewing lately, but things have been hectic (I have chapters piling up in my inbox...).
Magnus is quite the avenger, isn't he? (I love him.) His series of thoughts at the end was really well done, very poignant. The only thing that made me stumble for a moment was that you still used the pronoun "he" for the thoughts; usually for something as personal as that the pronoun is switched to "I." But still, it was great.
On to the next chapter!