Reviews for Elements' Melody
KuroKage1717 chapter 35 . 2/16/2009
Just. . .wow. I love this story. Your characters are strong, and I especially like Besh. The whole plot is unique, with lots of interesting twists. And your writing style is simple and easy to read. I have no complaints.
Adis Crow chapter 28 . 9/29/2008
I loved the way Ragnoth interprets Lil's gestures. And... another songmaster? Maybe we'll find out more about why the music is changing...

Osprey

P.S. Sorry it took me so long to review-I got kind of behind on my FictionPress reading.
Adis Crow chapter 27 . 8/11/2008
"Bring me two of the prisoners?"

...Oh, no.

I like Bale's line, too: "I thought he smelled funny." I can just see him saying that.

I've got a question-what's a Nosferatu? It doesn't seem to be in the dictionary. Yours is the second story in which I've run into it, but in the first one Nosferatu was a petty term used by a pathetic sorcerer to describe his bride-to-be. So I'm curious whatit really means.

Osprey
Adis Crow chapter 26 . 7/28/2008
Lil's a wizard! Lil's a wizard! And Iniss is going to be healed!

As far as I can tell, there's only one thing to be improved upon. In these two paragraphs:

"Should he just kill the lizard and put him out of his misery? Bale snorted at the thought and shook his head. Some problems can’t be solved with a sword.

But… then what should he do? Bale growled in frustration. He preferred problems that could be solved with a sword; they were easier to understand and fix."

I'd suggest changing either the first or the second "solved with a sword" to something else-perhaps "violence".

Nice chapter! Is Koriva just an elven city, or is it the capital?

Osprey
Adis Crow chapter 25 . 7/21/2008
DON'T DIE, INISS!

And-and Ragnoth and Lil used to know Arthell? Or at least someone they knew knew him? Hmm...

Osprey
Adis Crow chapter 24 . 7/15/2008
No! Iniss can't die (he's too cool).

...

My brother's been reading over my shoulder and he's a D&D freak (I mean that in the most caring way possible) so he just told me that lizard folk are really resilient. Apparently he'd also like to know what class Iniss was in the original campaign. Also, he wants to know if the dog folk had a level adjustment and if you found them in a supplement or designed them yourselves...-and what their racial traits were.

ANY-ways, nice chapter. The description of Kylev-you finally described him!-made me gag (good work!).

And Iniss had better not die.

Osprey
Adis Crow chapter 23 . 7/6/2008
...And what exactly is "it", Iniss?

There was only one sentence I might change, near the end: "Bale growled in frustration, why didn’t these fools learn?"

Personally, I'd have used a semicolon or a dash there, to help the flow of the sentence. Even so, it's so great to read a story that uses proper grammar! Some of the stuff you find on the internet is just plain depressing.

Nice chapter-update again soon!

Osprey
Adis Crow chapter 22 . 7/1/2008
Ooh, the plot thickens-and I'm really starting to dislike Arthell. You've got a great villain there (I'm terrible at coming up with villains because I always try to find reasons for them to act the way they do and as a result they end up being too human).

Also really hoping that Ragnoth's not dead...

Osprey
Adis Crow chapter 21 . 6/26/2008
Adventure indeed. Than must have been one hell of a D&D campaign... Ugh, I actually feel sick every time I try to imagine what Kylev (or ex-Kylev) looks like at the moment. Definitely disturbing-keep it up!

Osprey
Adis Crow chapter 20 . 5/27/2008
Eeh, poor Besh. He seems so tired. My favourite line, for some reason, is when he says, “The dogs’ leader is an elf. He’s a monster.”

Can't wait for the next part!

Osprey
Adis Crow chapter 19 . 5/13/2008
Extremely good job on making Arthell creepy and sadistic-I've got goosebumps. Having fun in Jordan?

Osprey
misery sister chapter 1 . 5/13/2008
[Humans all, they reverberated with the music of passion and creation.]

- That sentence seemed odd to me.

Although I like the lines that followed after that. Made me smile.

[It was strange that he had seen Iniss’ face, but in the wide world strange things happened.]

- I think you could add a comma after 'world', just for an effect.

I like this idea. It's very interesting, and very fresh. I like how you say the world's song was turning sour and vile, from all the evils and such, I'm guessing. That was great.
Adis Crow chapter 18 . 4/17/2008
I liked to descriptions of the different elements that made up objects and the idea of pure element being powerful-it's always fun reading a story that uses imaginative forms of magic. Have fun in Jordan!

Osprey
Adis Crow chapter 17 . 4/15/2008
Oh, transforming? Interesting. And Arthell's an elf. Double interesting.

Somehow, despite Magnus's less-than-cheery reaction to being stepped through shadow, I get the feeling they're going to need to do it again at some point (and the poor rogue can lose his lunch again)... That part reminds me a little of David Eddings's The Belgariad-ever heard of it?

Osprey
Adis Crow chapter 16 . 4/13/2008
Uh-oh. That's... probably bad, isn't it?

I'm liking Magnus more and more, despite his tendency towards violence. *_* Though I'm glad Besh prevented him from whacking the guy (even though he probably deserved it).

Osprey
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