Reviews for Save Me
XxXKristie MarieXxX chapter 1 . 5/15/2008
I love how its all depressing in the begining but at the end its happy. Everyone always hopes for a happy ending. Glad you found someone to bring you out of your depressive state. Awsome poem!

xKristie Mariex
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 2/21/2008
I like how you describe being numb, but dont say it until the second stanza... the rhyming is really great and I love the last stanza it's incredibly sweet
heartbroken922 chapter 1 . 2/20/2008
this is really good. very nice rhythm and such. great job.
purple x pen chapter 1 . 2/20/2008
wow, when i started reading this i expected another cliche release of morbid emotions, and im happy to say that im slowly getting over this phase, but whoa, 'i feel alive when im loving you' this piece is beatiful, and i can relate to it very well. the ending left me breathless, something that hasnt happened in a while, so yeah amazing work, keep writing!
Soosie chapter 1 . 2/20/2008
WOW. That was amazing.
chocobabeh chapter 1 . 2/20/2008
this poem is just amazing baby. i fell happy for doing my job...but im sad i cant be there all the time.

when we move out all the feelings above the last stanza will dissapear ;;
doctor's diagnosis chapter 1 . 2/20/2008
The ending is pretty. The rhyme occasionally feels a little forced. Maybe try some less ordered form, like having a different number of lines in different stanzas, that way it would be less stiff. Anyways, I can definately relate to this.


Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 2/20/2008
Couple thoughts:

1. L2 - "or go outside" instead of "I don't go outside", just to get rid of the repetition.

2. "My heart is numb" is venturing steeply into cliched territory. I'd think about rephrasing it.

3. "I just wait for dead" is also a little cliched but more melodramatic than anything. Tone it down a little?

4. L4 of stanza three - "running" instead of "runs"

Overall, I think the rhyme scheme is holding you back a little from using more interesting imagery. It's an overdone premise but can be made interesting with more specific and vivid imagery. An injection of that would really pull this up.

Good luck,