Reviews for Matei Mizuki
Darth Zannacross chapter 3 . 6/7/2020
Is the great sea of evil right near the great sea of good? Want to know as it seems like a vital place to know where to turn correctly.

Well, more of learning the ropes, vital when its such, unique ropes. Curious if this Empress Syn will be a major force to deal with down the line.

Akane nearly got into quite a brutal spot, we will see how much trouble this Frog monster causes next time it seems.
Darth Zannacross chapter 2 . 6/6/2020
They say a person is defined by how they deal with failure, well hear we see how to deal with both failure AND peer pressure, god damn peer pressure.

Mizuki is slowly learning about her teammates, though still needs to learn a thing or two about combat before she can pull her weight. Well, hopefully she will live long enough to get to that point, we will see, at least we got some vital information, and that she is nice looking in a headband, good to know for when she makes her own unique outfit.
Starart152 chapter 2 . 6/6/2020
This is a nice chapter where we see more of Mizuki normal life before one of those monster came and attacked someone. It's clear that she needs a lot of training before she could fight back.

We learned a little more about Minako and it makes her likable, while the Student Organisation left me a little uneasy with them. It doesn't seem like they are all good people, but I know little about their group to form a good opinion of them yet.
Starart152 chapter 1 . 6/5/2020
This is a nice chapter that introduce the story. We don't know that many things about Mizuki except what she explained. As for what she is getting into, we have little information about the antagonist, but nothing more than that.
We got an info dump, but it was short and on the point that avoided putting the readers into boredom.

As for the other characters, there is little, so I won't make a comment.

I did mistake it when you changed of characters in first person, until I noticed The Maiden and The Light written to tell which point of view we were.

Except for that, this was a nice start.
Darth Zannacross chapter 1 . 6/4/2020
Ah hello there Steamroller, been 12 years since you posted this but this seems to have a good reputation so figured I would check it out for a bit.

Well...seemed like Mizuki had a semi normal life at the start, aside from being in a campus where everyone seems a little to fond of hair dye.

But things escalate when the heartless, or, whatever this demon was, this Shinko are, but thankfully this Loretta made short work of it, she seems, interesting.

Well, now that Mizuki is this Celestial Warrior looks like things are going to heat up fast, sounds like it will be a fun ride.
Mirimo27 chapter 1 . 8/9/2012
Interesting storyline, I like where this is getting at. Though I've only read the first chap, I could already see it holds a lot of potiential in it...nicely done for the prologue part. It's easy to read and visualize, while not being too exagerant about the irregular situation. I may want to continue reading this when I get the time :]

Overall, great chap! For a fantasy and adventure genre, you are capable of catching the audience's attention. Mitsuki's a unique character by the way. Good luck on your other works-! I'm sure you're do well
Seth-Cypher chapter 26 . 9/28/2009
That was a most satisfactory conclusion to this book.

Yes, I didn't review for the most part, mostly because I really didn't have time, and secondly because I didn't really see much error in the chapters other than the occasional grammar mess-ups that are hard to tell anywho.

Keep up the awesome writing!

By the way, which one should I read next?
Frayling0 chapter 1 . 8/18/2009
Wow interesting start... your characters and details have grabbed me enough to make me want to read on. I'll be sure to check out some more when I have time! ~ Luke
HitomiJunichi chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
This was great! The details were nice. Maybe it's just me but some sentences sounded strange.
SeraphineKH chapter 1 . 8/16/2009
interesting, I wonder what they have in store for her :)
A. Barone chapter 1 . 8/1/2009
This is wicked cool...I have a lot of catching up to do, but I'm looking forward to reading this story and the others that follow...
Nanao Nagase chapter 2 . 6/23/2009
Hey, interesting work here. I haven't been to Fictionpress for over a year, so my feedback skills are a little rusty but here goes.

My favorite part of Matei Mizuki has to be the narrative. I like how you switch between the character's POV, and it's easy to discern them too, since you add the character's title before moving to the POV.

It makes getting to know each character more easy, and even early to the story, I have my favorites already. Your character build-up for Mizuki is cool, but her feelings seem kind of constricted; kind of.. dry? She seems so matter-of-fact, almost robotic. Was this meant to be a foil to the usual perky protagonist in magical shojo manga? Maybe I'm still too early, I'll continue reading to see if I will eat my words.

Great paragraphing and story length, I like how it doesn't make my eyes hurt after reading each chapter.

I'll keep on reading this.

Legend of Shadows chapter 26 . 6/11/2009
XC from SRWUG here, having read your first story.

Sorry that I can't point out too many specific points; I'll reread segments if you'd like clarification on a point. Also, get a drink or something, I'm pushing the character limit.

First, to get the fanboying out of the way - I really, honestly enjoyed this. Probably one of the most fun reads I've had in a good while. Magical girl stories are already fun when done right, and I love a well-written inversion of the things I like.

I'd like to point out that my favorite stories tend to be ones where the characters are the strong point, and I love your cast.

Mizuki is wonderful. Magical girl main character who can be mean and bitter, and doesn't mind killing her enemies. Her love of irony, raw stubbornness, awesome attacks like Makai Wrecking, and general cleverness are all high points of the character. Her dedication to Minako was touching, and her otherwise aloof but loyal nature sets her apart without making her very difficult to relate to, especially for someone who perfectly understands wanting alone time and independence. Putting someone so dark at the center of what was essentially a magical girl story could have been a disaster of either false 'bad assness' or angst, but she came off as a very genuine and overall well-developed character, becoming a bit more friendly and open without going unrealistically far. Sometimes the roughness was a bit much, especially her attitude towards Asuka, but it turned out good in the end.

Minako... Minako, I have to admit, was mostly entertaining to me because of the other characters. Maybe it's just that her character was most like what you usually see in the genre, but she felt a bit flat character at times. Fortunately, she got a lot out of her relationship with Mizuki, and was certainly sympathetic enough to get the desired 'd'aw' out of me. And she's at worst a solid handling of her character type. I do, however, love the cross country/track star aspect, and you did a good job getting the feel of a runner down when writing about it - are you a runner too, or was it just a case of getting in someone's head?

Asuka was a character I knew I would like almost from the start. While 'rich-bitch who's really not a bad person' is something I've seen plenty of, I got a good impression that she'd be different. Certainly, she could be shallow, and annoyingly insistent on following the unwritten social rules - and Mizuki's bad attitude didn't help. Despite that, I loved her cleverness even before her other redeeming factors came to light, and as her attitude towards her friends was built up, I found myself liking her more and more. The scenes with Natassia towards the end were some of the best friendship scenes in the story.

I liked Horoki, I really did. The knowledge of magical girl tropes and application to the situations at hand were well-played without being laid on too thick. She was quirky, but not a caricature - a trap that many writers fall into. Still, she seemed the least involved of the three regalia girls. Granted, making every character oozing with depth is unreasonable, and I really enjoyed her place in the story - while not the most impressive character, I wouldn't really change anything about her, and the Advanced Reverse Judgment scene... that was pretty awesome.

I'll come right out and say that Akane was my favorite character. Sure, she wasn't a whole lot more developed than Horoki (again not really faulting you for it), but she was just so entertaining. Her thought processes were fun to watch in action - maybe a function of me thinking a bit like her - and her cautious aggression was endearing. The lab coat was also endearing, of course, and her insistence on not letting her transformation take it away. Of course, it was her spirited nature that really got me. Her enthusiasm for wanting to know things was fairly infectious, and her fight with Camilla was one of the biggest FUCK YEAR moments in the story.

Soma... well, as I've seen you have a lot more in store for him. In this story, he was very much a supporting character, so I can't judge him too well, but I'm glad that he's a 'nice guy' without being a cliche wet-blanket type, at least as far as I can tell.

Your earlier villains were pretty much cliche cackling evil, but that was pretty much necessary. Throwing the weighty villains around right off the bat wouldn't have been as much fun or as good for tension building, and they did a good job of being really nasty and then getting killed. Good variety of fighting styles without going crazy either.

The Shiko were a fine 'four generals' sort of group. Yoko was damn stubborn, just like Mizuki, and a good foil for her to fight. Granted, I'd say their fight dragged on too much, but at least it fit the characters. Isabelle was the most obviously villainous of the crowd at first, and the combination of manipulator and just plain crazy was pretty fun to watch (and watch get killed). Camilla... whoo boy. Not much to say besides that I guess. She deserved a pretty nasty end.

Natassia, of course, can get her own paragraph. Actually, I think you wrote her very well despite her lack of exposure. She was the only of the Shiko who came off as genuinely not a bad person prior to the revelation, and I honestly found it hard to see her as a villain. Sure enough, despite what she told Asuka, she really had thought her a friend to some degree at least, and the rest was her pacifistic nature. Anyways, it's good for at least one villain to switch sides in a story, as Horoki pointed out, and I'm glad she got a good ending.

Matei Syn, or Jun, was interesting. Also Bian Zoldark to some degree, only alive after everything was said and done. Her sense of irony and twisted sense of humor were entertaining, and for a bit it was hard to tell just what she was really getting at, so good job on that.

Loretta Brauner. Didn't like her from the start. If that was your intention, good job, because 'destiny rants' are a surefire way to get me angry at a character (see: Neji from Naruto). While certainly not... horrible before the big reveals, she was far too unyielding to be very likable as a person. As a villain, she accomplished being a bitch very well. Manipulative over a long period of time, and with children no less. Her motivations weren't the most clear, but that's probably just me thinking that people who rant about destiny and all that are hard to take too seriously. Effective though, and of course there's more story and more villains to come.

The overall plot was entertaining. While the ideas involved have certainly been done in one way or another, the characters involved and the overall execution felt pretty fresh and unique. Referring to characters by their relation to the plot when switching to their view was effective foreshadowing, and I'm ashamed that I didn't catch the jewel/mirror/sword thing the moment it showed up. The use of Shinto mythology was fairly tight - it fit with the feel of the stories, while weaving its own story at the same time, and not contradicting anything big enough for me to catch. I liked that it was used as a foundation to a story that was very much its own, instead of merely rewriting a myth in modern times, and the regalia trio's relations to the items was thoughtful and not too blatantly direct.

Even more central, of course, was the dichotomy between light and dark. Ideas about the two being reliant on one another are neither new nor terribly uncommon (The first Shadow Hearts used this to good effect). It's a good thing, then, that it's such a versatile thematic element in the right hands. While the bonding between Minako and Mizuki could have probably been paced better - it seemed to build up very quickly (which can be attributed to tons of things, including factors Minako herself pointed out), it felt natural. Their personalities weren't just a case of an author writing an 'opposites attract' story; they each represented their side of light and dark in their outlook and way of thinking, without being total opposites of one another. They simply compliment one another, Mizuki's independence filling in for Minako's tendency to worry, and Minako's gentleness tempering Mizuki's harshness, without either clashing, or feeling like it should clash - a testament to the balance of the characters.

I could probably bring up more points, but I'm running out of room. You could certainly use a good editor - there are missing and misplaced words and grammar errors, as well as a few unclear statements, that would be better cleared up by someone other than the writer (it's rare that there isn't). I may go back and offer a more critical analysis of specific points in the future, but for now - adding story to my favorites, and sitting on my impressions for a bit before reading the next story.


Seth-Cypher chapter 17 . 4/28/2009
It's getting quite intense. I'm looking forward to how this turns out.
Seth-Cypher chapter 16 . 4/20/2009

I'm sorry, I could not resist. I sometimes find it hilarious when characters call out the name of their attacks. No offense, this was a great chapter, but attack names being shouted from everywhere seemed to make it less dark thant it should be lol.
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