|Reviews for Duck Duck: The Secret of Sara|
| J-nov chapter 1 . 3/16/2013
It is nice to look at your old work after you spend some time on other projects. I can't believe that over six years have passed since you have started this. Lets hope this revised fanfic will meet a bigger audience this time around.
| l3g3nd chapter 25 . 10/14/2008
Haha, not bad, but I think you've got a bit rush over these two new chapters. There are some minor spelling/grammar errors, so I suggest you to take a quick proofread and correct all of them.
Apart from that, well done.
Anyway, is this story coming to an end soon?
| l3g3nd chapter 23 . 10/3/2008
Hey there, sorry for taking so long cause I'm pretty busy for the past few weeks. :P
Anyway, I'd like to say those elite guards are funny. Too bad they're the bad guys, XD
Interesting, cat ninja assassins. Well, it's sad that they died from the explosion.
Apart from that, I think these two chapters are overall alright. Some minor errors, so I suggest you try to correct them by reading these 2 chapters again.
Anyway, happy writing. Hope to see you soon
| l3g3nd chapter 21 . 9/14/2008
Haha the actions are alright and interesting.
I wonder what plan Evil has in his mind? Hope it's not something very evil, haha...
Anyway, that's all for this time. Keep up with the good work and update quick!
| l3g3nd chapter 20 . 9/1/2008
Haha another nice chapter, and I agree it sounds real nice that all the good guys are together again, minus Ra though.
Apart from that, well done :P Keep up with the good work.
| Lana Sky chapter 5 . 8/31/2008
I just enjoy reading this. It takes me back to the good old days when i was a pimpley pre-teen wearing baggy jeans and reading harry potter by the glow of my night-light into the wee hours of the morning. Good times, good times. *sigh*
There were some grammar mistakes, but other than that, I see no problems.
Keep on writing,
| l3g3nd chapter 19 . 8/31/2008
Hey there! You've been MIA for quite some time, and I'm glad that you're back :P (Sorry for the late review though)
Well well, the battle between Duck and Billy with the Guardian is quite good. The outcome is somewhat unexpected and funny XD
Oh, it seems things are getting clearer in this chapter. You've revealed a lot explanations to the reader. Good job!
And I'm looking forward to see how are the hero/heroine are going to thwart the plan of Evil :P
See you soon in the future. Happy writing
| Lana Sky chapter 4 . 6/30/2008
I liked this chapter. But, as always, I have my share of suggestions that i shall generously bestow upon you. (yes, i have been watching too much Lord or the Rings)
(cough) Ahem, so onward with the suggestions:
this just came to me. If you were still stuck on wether or not to chane from passive voice to active, a new idea has just dawned upon me. (there i go, sounding old-englishy again) So, I just finished reading this book called "fell" a sequel to "sight" (maybe you've heard of it) and it dealt alot with seeing the story unfold through the eyes of a wolf (in that sense it reminded me alot of this story). Hm...anywho that story had alot of 'was' words as well, but i worked for it. And after reading Duck Duck very carefully, I think that it works for this style of writing as well. So, my thought? I think you should stick with passive voice because I do believe that it fits the story's writing style. (if you were planning on getting this published)
Back to my suggestions
My only little thought was that there were some parts where I was smilling when I think I should have been like, "Oh no, poor Ducks". I think that some of the humor may have been missplaced, like the part where they hear that voice.
All the bad guys, in almost every story, cartoon, comic, always have that fearful aura around them that just shouts "bad guy". They talk in a dark-smarty pants way that makes the reader instantly dislike them and root for the heros. The bad guy also has a sense of danger so that the reader knows they mean business and fears for the characters. They aren't really supposed to be humorous, unless its dark humor like the "Joker" from batman.
Um, i hope this makes sense to you, (i know i can be confusing at best). Also, I'm trying something new, where I try to review stories two chapters a day. So if thats annoying, let me know and I'll tone it down to whatever your preferance.
until next time,
| l3g3nd chapter 17 . 6/30/2008
Ah-ha! I see, doll-doll-doll...An important item.
And the reinforcement has arrived. This is creating a tension.
Well, looking forward for the next chapter.
| Lana Sky chapter 3 . 6/29/2008
So far, I must say that this is my favorite chapter. This pacing is nice, the characters were interesting and there was enough action to keep me interested, but not too much! ;)
I must say as well that Ra Duck is my fav character so far. Shes so spunky!
Again, there were some typos and gramatical errors but those can easily be fixed. I wonder where this adventure goes?
Very nice! This is bringing out the old me! (who practically worshiped Donald Duck by the way!) This totaly has that quirky cartoony feel with the loveable characters and Big-Bad bad guys. ;)
This story and for some odd reason reminds me of thumbelina...
until next time,
| Lana Sky chapter 2 . 6/29/2008
Me again. All in all I would say that this was a very interesting chapter. As always, though, I do have just a few suggestions:
My first would be again, to get rid of the 'was' and 'were'words (my teacher gets me on this all the time). You should always try to write in active voice instead of passive which means excluding those pesky forms of 'be' (or so my teacher puts it).
Ahem, anyways, you're writing style should always reflect the type of audience your aiming for. From reading this, I would geuss that your targeted audience would be maybe 10-13 year olds? I don't know, somwhere within that range. So if you are aiming for a younger age maybe writing in passive voice would be more digestible for the reader? (oh look at me! I sound smart :)
I do like your descriptions, they allow me to visualize Duck Duck and the other characters and also just picture their personalities just by the way you describe them. I wish I could do that!
There were also a very typos (just a few) like at the end you said "If he bomb the area" and i think you meant "bombed". I would suggest you get yourself a beta-reader to iron out those minor grammar errors.
All in all, Nice!
until next time,
| Lana Sky chapter 1 . 6/27/2008
Hey! So I liked this...It kinda reminds me of Tamora Pierce's writings because she always has these fantastic worlds that seem so cool! ;)
I did noticce a couple of things though. One was that you used 'was' alot. You should try and describe what happens without using 'was' because, I find, that i helps the story to flow a 'lil better without all the distracting 'was' words. Examples...hm...let...me...see:
It was hot and N.G was bored so she was bugging Ramona122003 about her amazing story.
Isn't that a 'lil distracting.
Now, lets try,
The beating sun seemed to stab the sweating N.G-who sat sighing upon her stoop next to Ramona- with it's unrelenting heat.
"Hey," N.G whined as she leaned over into Ramona who scooted closer to the stoop's edge. "Hey!" she poked her bony finger into Ramona's burning skin. "Dosen't this sound alot better? Hey! Why are you running away? It does sound better right? Ramona? I like your story!"
Ha! I crack myself up! Well this was a very interesting chappy. I wonder what happens.
Oh and don't mind me and my pet monkey, Bob, we're just passing through on our way to bed. Don't mind my sleepy brain, this is what happens when i try to get through the day without caffine.
| l3g3nd chapter 16 . 6/22/2008
Hahaha, Alligator skin! Suitcase! Oh my, that's hilarious.
And here comes, Dragoligator!
This chapter is clean and nice.
A bit improvement can be done here.
[Bird chuckled lightly at Will.] After reading the sentence, Bird's name comes first, which will slightly confuse the reader.
Can change it to...
[Bird chuckled lightly at Will's statement.]
Haha definitely a lot of improvements. Keep up with the good works!
| l3g3nd chapter 15 . 6/17/2008
Nice chapter you have there, especially there part which Billy fights with Kif. That arrogant bastard, lol...
The fight is intense and engaging, and the part which you describe their sabers broke is just amazing. I like it.
And you did a great job by creating suspense in the reader, i.e. the Guardian.
Anyway, happy writing.
| l3g3nd chapter 14 . 6/7/2008
Haha Indy and Don Du are both more of a talk than a fight! XD Funny and interesting fight you've there.
And quick, I'd like to see how it's going in the next chapter. So, you'll update ASAP! XD
Happy writing anyway. :)