Intregued by this story, I grow ever curious. I want more. My story nerd heart needs it.

please please please update! finish the story since its been 5 years since this last chapter!

More!

It's very well written. Can't wait for more. No grammatical errors or anything. Fantastic!

*gasp* only one chapter and I'm hooked :P rawr! keep going faster! Type faster! lol

OHMIGOSH! I love it! When he was running, I could actually tell how long and hard he was running. Though when he passed out, I didn't get quite get it. Then again, that COULD have been me not paying enough attention to the story... Write moar! And quickly!

I really like this story. Please continue.

I'm not sure if you are continuing this story - since the last update was May of '08, but I really REALLY hope you get a chance to come back to it some day. I'm SUPREMELY curious are to what's going to happen, the world, the character, the plot, your premise for the whole thing.

I think it's a great start, and you have a nice style of writing. :3 I hope oh hope you haven't forsaken it forever.

*hugs*

[hayai.]

aw man i want more D:

I like the concept of this but there are some thing you need to work out.

First in your *prologue* (epilogue is at the end of a story, prologue the beginning), you started it well, but the way you made the conversations go could be worked on.

When one person is speaking, you dont need to separate their sentences: "You'll let me go if I give you my ring?" Drey asked, clearly not believing him. He shook his head. "I didn't steal it so I'm not giving it to you."

"Don't be a fool." Drey looked around and saw a man sitting a horse who hadn't been there earlier. His eye's got round as they took in the gold insignia stamped into the leather of the saddle.

"Sire," he said mockingly.

~

The first paragraph was alright but then he kept talking but it was formatted to look like someone else was speaking instead.

/"You'll let me go if I give you my ring?" Drey asked, clearly not believing him. He shook his head. "I didn't steal it so I'm not giving it to you; don't be a fool."

Drey looked around and saw a man sitting a horse who hadn't been there earlier. His eye's got round as they took in the gold insignia stamped into the leather of the saddle."Sire," continued Drey, mockingly./

Something like that could work. EDITED- I was looking over this and I now see there is a possibility that Alder was saying 'dont be a fool' and therefore I find the conversation fine.

Second, in the prologue you kept using "he"'s a lot, esp towards the end when we started reading about Alder. Just add in a name every once and a while. Not in every sentence but when it deems appropriate.

Third, this just completely fooled me:

/Alder gave the man a hard look. "No, not all this for one ring. He insulted me and I'm going to make him pay."

Renald nodded and began dividing the company. He sighed silently. He had seen the same look in many mens' eyes. The boy would get nowhere if he continued to let lust rule his judgement./

Like I have mentioned before, I do not which 'boy' Renald is referring to (I can guess it's the Prince-but you really shouldn't have your audience guessing through the whole story-and what if the guess if wrong?).

Also, when was prince Alder insulted? When was it even mentioned? You dont need to go into detail what happened but a quick little summary of what transpired between the two. Like how you did with the ring. Just a sentence or three.

CHAPTER ONE

Though, I absolutely loved the descriptions of everything in the first part, there were some concerns.

/Drey would have smiled but for the growing bruise over his left jaw. /

Interesting beginning and I think that the make-up animals are a nice touch. Will keep an eye on it. :)

Ah! I know how terrible it is to lose a notebook with all your info in it. Rewriting it is a pain in the neck. I might have given up.

Anyway, interesting chapter. You might want to find out the difference between "to" and "too" though, sometimes it was confusing as to what you were trying to say. Good job so far! I like it.

"through the thickest parts fo the forest"

Might want to fix the "of"

"stepped away from the others his hands held out in a claming gesture"

Might want to fix "calming"

It was terrible!

haha, kidding. It was a pretty nice start. i liked the jumping right into the action. At some point I got really confused as to what was happening, when Drey leaned against a tree, and then the next sentence you said he was running. The first part of the chapter seemed a little confusing as to what exactly was happening. I thought maybe, at first, there was a group of people running and Drey was one of the group.

Anyway, I liked the writing and the chapter had a nice flow. I especially liked the ending with that bit of foreshadowing.

I quite like the idea behind this- I don't think I've read enough to judge the story but I'm excited for it.

Sounds interesting, UPDATE IT! Hahaha. I can hassle you now, my dear. Let the war begin.

_

PLEASE UPDATE SOON. I like to see what happen in the story.