Reviews for Illusions and Dreams
l3g3nd chapter 6 . 4/4/2008
Hey, just finished reading your story, and I'd like to say it was awesome!

You made a good use of the first person view, in which something third person failed to portray. The descriptions were awesome, I'd like to say, and how you construct your sentence were just fabulous (plus unique).

Your characters were so lively anyway. :P

Just a little point here, sometimes the events might flow too fast, uh, I mean, maybe things happen just too fast (perhaps needs more elaboration?) However, that was what made your story unique by itself too!

Haha...Anyway, keep working! Happy writing! Hehe.
liminalzest chapter 6 . 4/4/2008
hey, i dont know what you're writing in your english class but the story definitely has me hooked. looking forward to more chapters, and longer ones :)
Regina chapter 5 . 3/20/2008
Amazing! It's brilliant, the way you phrase everything, and beautiful language :D

I can't wait for more!
Regina chapter 4 . 3/20/2008
It's a beautiful chapter! I loved it.

I don't think your writing is bad! It's amazing! Hold your head high, heavy heart. :)

Lots of love,

Sophie Ulquiorra Allen chapter 5 . 3/14/2008
Quite a promising story. I actually liked the earlier installments rather than the later chapters. I at first gathered that she was a 'normal' girl (i.e. the typical teenager etc.) and I always like the clash between modern reality and the unexpected dreamworld.

Don't get me wrong, I do like it that you have created a good fantasy world; it shows a lot of ingenuity. The thing that I am slightly worried about at this point is the fact that she is a Princess. That never bodes well if one wants to remain original. It is very common to see this in a lot of fantasy vs. reality stories, and it is tiring.

I can only suggest that you rethink this portion of the plot, if you have not already gone quite deep with it. It would benefit your work, I think. I am mildly worried about the vampiric addition as well, but I think that your writing overcomes that particular plot point.

Other than that, I do love the initial premise. I like Cadence too, and the boy. Very nice set of characters here, and the writing, of course, is lovely.

I would love to see what you do with this story. :)
bookbites chapter 5 . 3/12/2008
Oh... this chapter is very good... i cant wait for more! I'm glad you decided to continue writing, cause you have a talent. Thanks again... will watch for the next update! :)
kittymobile chapter 5 . 3/11/2008
Whe- you wrote more! D. Well done: flames are harsh criticism are hard obstacles to beat.

I drew my knees to my chest,

Good start: as she draws her knees to her chest, we're drawn into the storyline ].

the rain casting beautifully reflected trails

i LOVE this phrase- theres only one problem. try 'beautiful reflecting' instead of beautifully reflected- sounds better ].

for the sake of not seeing him.

try 'in case i didn't see him' ] flows more with the bracketed commas.

It was crazy that I craved seeing him like a drug I could not get enough of.

this sentence sounds a little cut off with the 'of' at the end of it. How about...

It was crazy that I craved seeing him like a drug; I couldn't get enough of him.

Just my ideas - you don't have to use them _.

The wind was getting wilder outside my window.

Brings us back to the scene at hand very well.

I don’t know how. I wish I knew, but I didn’t.

the last didn't should be a don't else you're changing tenses within two sentences. ]. Or, you can change the first don't to a didn't as well. D.

He didn’t blame me for it though, instead, all he had done was gifted me with something I doubt I would ever forget.

try missing out instead and putting a semi-colon instead: it would make this flow better.

i know i'm criticising a lot more than i have done before and i apologise- i'm just a perfectionist- its in my nature xD. i'm nice enough i hope .
bookbites chapter 4 . 3/9/2008
I don't understand how your english teacher hates your writing. It's beautiful. I think you should listen not to your teacher, but your heart. If you wanna keep writing, you should, but if not, then don't. I think you have beautiful writing. Thanks for sharing your story!
kittymobile chapter 4 . 3/8/2008
Hey hey,

YAY you updated ] *gets to reading*

She hadn’t changed a bit all these while

All the while maybe or all this while? i don't know- it just needs rephrasing a little ]

her eyes were still the shade of a dark green leaf hidden in the shadows.

Beautiful description

I wanted to be free, even at the price of her safety.

Why must she suffer for my sins?

Nice contrast- shows his confusion well.

Great chapter Perpetua


On a more personal note- stuff your english teacher. My own english teacher is always nagging me to find more ways of analysing things and in the process she manages to make me feel like all my own ways of doing that are wrong, just because they're not the ones she's specifically looking for. My advice, if you want it, is to ignore people who put you down for your writing and cease to tell them about your works. That's what i do. Writing is something i enjoy and i'm constantly trying to improve myself but that doesn't mean i'll put up with flaming. Your teacher sounds simply rude- either they're jealous of your writing or they don't have enough maturity to criticise in a constructive manner. I hope this helps because i really want to read more of this intriguing story, even if your teacher doesn't. ]

Holly (Kittymobile)
twinewecl chapter 2 . 3/7/2008
all i can say is A.M.A.Z.I.N.G

beautiful story!

update soon! plz
Regina chapter 3 . 3/7/2008
I love everything in this chapter. The imagery, details, plot - all amazing. More soon?
Regina chapter 2 . 3/7/2008
I loved this chapter, I thought you used very good descriptions and detail. Absolutely amazing.
Naomi Chick chapter 3 . 3/1/2008
Interesting story. Can't wait for the next chapter.
bookbites chapter 3 . 2/29/2008
Wow, something about your descriptions and ability to let emotion flow into the readers mind... amazing. I'll be on the lookout for the next installment. Thanks!
bookbites chapter 1 . 2/29/2008
I like how your story draws the reader in!
36 | « Prev Page 1 2 3 Next »