Reviews for Break
Esther Jade chapter 1 . 4/19/2008
First stanza: I thought it was a good opening. It felt like quite a philosophical place to start.

Second stanza: Sounds like a city that has degraded over time. I thought it was a bit vague.

Third stanza: I found it confusing in this stanza that the first two lines seemed to be speaking about someone wanting these blond-haired girls and the second set seemed to be talking about what the little girls wanted. I did think it was more concrete than the second stanza and had quite a bittersweet note.

Fourth stanza: I particularly liked the fourth line of this stanza. I didn't understand what the reference to "dusty tractors" was about.

Fifth stanza: I liked the contrast between the "dreams" and the "dreamy screams" in this stanza. I did think that it was a bit of a vague ending.

Overall, the first stanza, in my opinion, was probably the strongest. Though, I liked a lot of the concepts - maybe some of them just need a bit more pinning down.

While the rhyme scheme does seem to complement the theme of the poem, the rhythm doesn't seem to match. Some of the diction feels like it's being forced by the rhyme and some of the lines just feel too long.

Also, while the repetition of "break their hearts" is nice and breaks up the rhyme scheme well, I felt like I would have wanted more development from that aspect of the poem.

- Esther, currently reviewing for the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile)
Edgar Wellington chapter 1 . 4/11/2008
Your devices are new to me: "dreams...reincarnation/opportunities...lunacies", "sparkling base...crumbling wall".

This poem ultimately is optimistic. These are fighting words, but people do not fight if they don't see the possibility of getting what they are fighting for.
birdsfly chapter 1 . 2/28/2008
That was cool I like the rime