Reviews for Moon River
sonder this chapter 1 . 1/19
... There were so many lines that I absolutely had to read over and over again, roll them around and through my head, and savor. It took me a little over a day to actually finish this because your writing was an absolute tasty delight that required small, heavy doses over time. The dialogue was jarring (credit must be due mostly to Connor) but memorable. There were the right moments of melancholy and comedic fun to add up to a realistic interaction - which is why when I got to the end here, I was kind of perplexed.

I understand that Pen and Connor have grown more comfortable with each other since the start of the story (and Pen has always been a daydreamer anyways even if her mouth doesn't reflect it at times - specifically when speaking to Connor, heh) and are more open to baring their souls to one another, so to speak, hence the more romantic dialogue at the end but I felt in comparison to what we knew of their characters, their words didn't quite align with their personalities... it's kind of like seeing Connor speak Shakespearean for instance (I'm not disregarding his intellectual capabilities since you obviously showed how he enjoys literature). Don't get me wrong, the words were dreamy and lyrical like the rest of the story but as for being suited for the characters to say them out loud... I can see Pen saying it more so but even then, I have a hard time seeing her speaking this way (starting from the line "And oh, I'm being silly [...]" and onwards).

That aside, there is not much else I can critique. Besides the starlight quality of your style here, I think this is a great example of one of the ways how a writer would go about 'showing' more than 'telling.' It makes my stomach churn for how many times I've seen writers list the qualities of why the protagonist likes a certain character when there is not even a single sign of evidence of said quality. The way you portrayed Connor from beginning to end - I could tell, without Pen saying so, why she liked him.
Lake Effect chapter 1 . 6/2/2015
This was so, so beautiful. Beyond words.
The Siege chapter 1 . 3/21/2013
What to say? This is so so so exquisite. I love it. There's so much meaning embedded in and how do you create so much meaning? Seriously, publish something one day and I will buy it and read it and buy it for my friends and make them read it as well because I JUST LOVE YOUR WRITING.
pc chapter 1 . 3/5/2013
theKnobblyKneedWriter chapter 1 . 11/5/2012
I loved this. It was simply amazing.
heal me forever chapter 1 . 11/1/2012
god dat was d most beautiful stry one shot on fp i have ever read wid EMITIONS )

god bless
HelloBilby chapter 1 . 6/23/2012
I don't know why, but this story is like pure perfection to me. I want to make all my friends read it, so they will get IT. I don't know what 'it' is. Life or something. Anywat, this story is amazing
Guest chapter 1 . 6/8/2012
This brought tears to my eyes. Absolutely brilliantly beautiful.
PanoramicDreamer chapter 1 . 5/27/2012
Wow... that was incredible! One of the best and most beautifully written one-shot I've ever read! All the characters are so three dimensional... Stunning
Ever Twinwood chapter 1 . 5/8/2012
This was amazingly beautiful, the most perfect thing I've read in a long time. And I read a lot. Like, a LOT. I loved the mix of prose and poetry.

You have talent :)
punctured.lungs chapter 1 . 5/6/2012
Oh my gosh. This is incredible. This is amazing. This had me laughing and crying and sighing and breathing, this is beautiful. This kind of thing, stories that make you cry at 3:30 in the morning. They're why I joined this site. You're amazing. This is magnificent.
KLemon chapter 1 . 4/6/2012
I don't know if you're still ever on ficpress, reading your reviews, but I hope you are. Your AN at the beginning really threw me off, I was going to stop reading/procrastinating and go do my homework, but I started anyway. I think you did a great job of the style, and you have a great vocabulary and relevant, intelligent, metaphors and overall your story was very nice to read. However, there were times when I felt that the style you were trying out here wasn't meshing well with the plot... needed more depth and realism, I think. Also, your concern for offending others with the language of this piece was uncalled for and unnecessary. You really shouldn't be afraid of offending. It makes you sound desperate and lacking confidence, and you should have confidence cuz you did really well. It's your piece, and hence not anyone else's business how much you swear in it, especially when you aren't attacking anybody in any way.

I'm sure much of the criticism doesn't apply anymore, as it's been a few years since you published this. So good job, and I hope you're a better writer and a better person :)
Electric Monk chapter 1 . 1/28/2012
Completely and utterly amazing. (I see what you mean about things to fix, but it doesn't detract.)
frouwe chapter 1 . 10/7/2011
Bklr. (That is my brain after reading this.)

This is so emotional and deep enough and I'm guessing pretty personal without being hard to understand because sometime's I feel like that, too.

God, and the lines at the beginnings of every section - that blew my mind. Along with the references. It was full of them but you managed to use them in a way that made sense and it was appropriate and not unnecessary.

I'm not familiar with your usual style, but I want you to know that I think this is awesome.
Thulia chapter 1 . 10/6/2011
Thank you for making me smile.
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