How is it that you write so well from point of view of a gay male? Last time I checked, you were neither gay nor male. Unless, of course, you’ve been lying to me this entire time. Like: “There was no denying that the man had been beautiful. Or handsome, rather. He wasn’t quite sure which term the straight men preferred more.” I like this. I like this a lot.

I think I mentioned this in the last chapter, but I simply adore all the little details that you throw in there. Every single one just makes the story that much better. While I’ve seen details become wordy and annoying in other fics, yours make me smile each time. “He handed the trunks to Nathan on the condition that he do his “best to tuck it back.” This. This made me laugh just a little too much.

Obviously, I love your writing style. It’s the reason why I can get through a romance fic without gagging my eyes out with a spoon. Literally. Ok, maybe not literally. I like how you write, and I like what you write. Your character interactions are just fantastic. In this chapter, I especially like the tone of Nathan and Ju’s conversation. The teasing is great! Apparently, Ju is a bit more amusing that I originally thought.

Plot? You’ve made them run into each other again! (While, swim into each other rather.) I’m glad that Nathan didn’t end up stalking him because that’s just a bit too creepy right now. Maybe he can do that in a few chapters.

GOOD JOB, JEN-JEN!

-Mits Review Race!

I like your little details such as “tucked into their hearty lunches of peanut butter sandwiches and Capri-Sun 10 real fruit juice pouches.” It just makes the story more … real.

Ah, yes! Their meeting is perfect. Yes, they bump into each other and Nathan has his “moment” which could have potentially been cliché, but you made him (and Ju as well) realize the creepiness of it!

“’Jew? That’s a religion, not a name,’ he sniggered.” Ah, Nathan. Just from this little joke, I already love him. You’ve made him funny, and yet he not an ass. Little details again, they make him much more realistic, and well, better.

The ending is just oh so perfect. To be honest, I could see it coming, but I like it anyway. Ju shows no interest in Nathan, and it’s as it should be. Their relationship (or lack thereof, rather) doesn’t exist yet, so I’m glad Ju isn’t already thinking “ZOMG I must be gay!” because I think I would have killed you if you did that.

Ah, sorry, Jen. I really had meant to make this more critical. /fail

Some corrections:

“the Christian right had battled it’s way past the California Supreme" it’s should be its.

“One week before elections, everyone, it seems” seems should be past tense to stay consistent.

(Review Race - Mits)

(Fulfilling Review Request.)

I know you asked for a harsh review, but … well, I couldn’t see anything to be harsh about. This is a good story and I’m not a flamer or a homophobic, so… This is my review:

This is an extremely well-written story, and the concept is well brought out. Both Ju and Nate’s characters are believable; the inklings of Nate’s troubles with being gay that you’ve scattered throughout the three chapters is very well done. When he sees the bible in Ju’s pocket and feels like a total dolt, you can’t help but feel sorry for the guy. I laughed at Chel’s streaking as well.

The point where Ju realizes that Nathan is gay, and you switch to his thoughts for a moment, provides a pretty interesting viewpoint for the readers , and the conversation between the two at the end isn’t all that ‘above and beyond’ at all; it’s realistic, but still emotional enough to make me feel really bad for Nate.

Just a couple of errors I noticed: The second sentence in the first chapter, “It’s” should be “Its”, and in the fourth sentence, “seems” should be “seemed”. Also, Nathan’s name is still “Takashi” for the first three quarters of the first chapter. In the third chapter, when the characters are asking each other questions, I don’t know if it was intentional or not, but you seemed to lose your question marks.

Anyway. That stuff aside, great work.

Well, well, well, it seems the two are flirting :3 Well...Nathan is, anyway XD Still not too sure about Ju but you shall reveal all in due time ;) Thanks for writing such a cute story! ;D

nice chappie :) update soon plz

Hiya! ShadowDragon from TMB speaking ;D

OMG, I really like it! Two sides, one love, what will happen! YOU MUST UPDATE! ;D Takashi...I like that name w And he has a Ninja! X3

-Happy happy, fave fave- XD or alert, rather ;)

-Flails at awesomeness-

amazing story! i saw it at the muse bunny. great start- this is going to be one funny story i can ell XP update soon!

I found it!

And I like it .

Be keeping an eye on this one x

~

You cannot leave it that! That's just too evil! It's very interesting. I like your style it's simple yet graceful... the way you describe is enough for me to imagine what's going on without getting into thorough detail. The chapter was a good length I would say.

I like how it almost shows that Takashi and Ju are probably like total opposites and not just because of their beliefs but also because of their personalities.

I can't wait to read more!

Good job Jen!

Kudos

Meli J Nightly a.k.a Mimi XD

This is intruiging I really want to see where this is going.

Alice

Pretty good start. Are you going to continue or is this going to be a one shot type of thing?