|Reviews for Meteor Children|
| The Jab chapter 5 . 8/20/2008
So now, it's 3:30 AM, but I peeked at the next chapter and realized that it was short, so I read it. Now I'm up to date and I'm going to lay in bed and watch Fresh Prince until I drift off to sleep.
No grammar problems. Short and sweet. It tied a little together, or just confirmed what I had figured was going on. I liked it. Nice goin'.
BEDTIME FOR ME. I AM WAY TIRED.
| The Jab chapter 4 . 8/20/2008
Okay it's 3 AM and I'm reading on fiction press... Wow...
Okay, well, it was good. I didn't see too many problems. Except for these of course:
These are really just in the second paragraph, and that's it.
1. "those snob" should be "those snobs"
2. You missed the "r" key on the keyboard when writing "care". Of course, I know you know the spelling, but gotta point it out.
That's it. Really.
If I was Theo I would've suffocated Wendy with a pillow ages ago. So annoying. Hahahaha.
| The Jab chapter 3 . 8/19/2008
Okay you dodged a lot of comments by having the conversation be an AOL conversation, excusing spelling and grammar, of course unless the characters are like me and even do their best grammar on online gaming... Although I did like the idea. Anyway, about the chapter.
1. Sorina sighed and leaned back. “That’s right, how could I have forgotten. Well, we’ll go for Easter then.” Just a question mark. That's it. "... how could I have forgotten?" is a question. Easy enough.
2. The plural form of photo is "photos" rather than "photoes".
3. This isn't necessarily a mistake, but is the SN supposed to be "ThakYou"? It's probably more realistic being you'd have to be sitting at your computer the first hour AOL was up to get the screen name "ThankYou".
4. When Chaotic talks about "pick pocket paradise", you spelled Chaotic as Choatic. No biggie.
5. This is just one of the stupid things someone like me would notice. Shouldn't Izzy leave the chat room to go get pizza? Hahaha...
Otherwise, great chapter. Liked the style, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm not sure if I get it all yet, but I'm sure it'll become clear.
| The Jab chapter 2 . 8/18/2008
Okay, good once again. It finally clicked with me that these are the runaways, if I'm getting this correctly. I like the characterization of Mizuki and Wendy.
One thing had me a little confused:
“As always, Mr. Chavelle, I hope you’re having a good day.” He grinned.
Now, after this quote, you say "he grinned." leading a reader with a wandering mind to think a guy said it but if I understand correctly, Izzy said it. I mean, once you think about it, you realize that Chavelle's grinning at her statement, but it can be just a little misleading.
P.S. We both have a character in our stories named Theo :D.
| The Jab chapter 1 . 8/18/2008
First of all, I'd like to say I love the spacing between sentences. I can't ever stand when I find a story with a block of two pages worth of text. It's disgusting. I can't read it. I like how yours indents when necessary.
Also, I like that the chapter isn't too long. I make long chapters (about 20 a chapter, except for the first few chapters. Depends on the chapter really). I can't stand to see a whole story squeezed into one chapter. Makes me want to go to wherever fiction press is run and vomit all over their processing system. To put it lightly...
I really only found one problem honestly. At the very end:
“Later. Pack up. Tara- look for any traces and try to find Theo and the two subjects that went with him. Justin, get the plane ready, we’re leaving as soon as Tara finds anything out?”
I was just wondering why it ends in a question mark, as it is a statement. Or maybe there could be something I can't interpret.
Anyway, I'm going to read a chapter or more and then finish off chapter 25 on The Jabbe Chronicles. Job well done.
| Stray Child chapter 3 . 3/20/2008
well, i have a feeling she's about to learn something very important. can't wait for your next update!
| Stray Child chapter 2 . 3/1/2008
oh, izzy is a mutant, isn't she, i just know she has to be, or she wouldn't have been metioned. anyway, this was some nice chapters and good writing! really nice job! can't wait for the update, bye D