Reviews for Her Coma
half-sketched.staccatos chapter 1 . 2/27/2008
konnichi wa

I love this mix of fairytale and reality. It was heartbreaking yet uplifting at the same time. Kudos - t'was brilliant (as usualy ;P).

Ki o tsukete

-Shan-
lost for words chapter 1 . 2/27/2008
I don't know if this is what you intended, but to me it seems very sad - and I like it that way - like his thoughts are wishful thinking because she will never wake up, and he's talking to himself to convince himself that she'll be okay. That may only be my skewed interpretation.

"He’ll give her his own mouth, his own lungs, his own air

to see her stir, then smile, then cry."

These are my favourite lines; they capture so perfectly what I imagine people in his situation to feel, so desperately wishing they could transfer their well-being to the comatose person.

I was originally going to suggest removing the "of" before "a prince" to improve the flow. However, after reading that line and the one preceding several times, I reconsidered, because the phrase may be more impactful as is. I still think I'd prefer no "of" there, but I'm not saying you should change it.