|Reviews for February|
| Serious Sonneteer chapter 1 . 1/28/2009
This reminds me of some of the old poems I read that celebrate nature and all its beauty.
Though written quite simply the imagery is rather vivid.
However I'm a bit confused by the line 'I shivered in the cold' because it doesn't seem to flow with everything else that's said before. It's also somewhat disturbing if you look at it in isolation and a huge contrast to the pleasant descriptions of the weather. I'm really not sure why you put that line in though. It destroys the mood you've established. It's abrupt too and ruins the flow.
I also have a problem with your choice of words. What do you mean by a 'tentative sneeze'? I'm not sure how a sneeze can be tentative because it's something spontaneous, almost involuntary. It's not something that happens on whim, unless of course you're talking about faking one.
All in all, though, nice work.
| Tranquil Thorns chapter 1 . 3/5/2008
To me, this poem truly speaks of reawakening, and because of this I really think you captured the feeling of springtime.
The lines that told this the most were 'and I let out a tentative sneeze', which gave me an image of a child sneezing (or a kitten P) and the ones surrounding 'amazed by the warm breeze'. All in all, I like the way you manipulated words to get your message across - which is what successful writers do.
I loved the lines 'The second hand on my watch/twitched to a stop', too. To me, coupled with the atmosphere you've established, they speak of magic.
| lost for words chapter 1 . 2/27/2008
I find the phrase "tentative sneeze" quite interesting, almost amusing - not that I don't like it - as I think of sneezing as such an involuntary act. Hmm. That was probably a pointless comment.
Anyway, this captures well the feeling of February, I think, of the mixture of warmth and cold and the sunshine in cold air. I like the part about the second hand.
| The Thorn Bird chapter 1 . 2/27/2008
I like your use of language here - it is descriptive and clearly gives off the spring "vibe." One line, however, sort of caught my attention: "I felt for some sort of breath of air" - I understand what you are trying to convey, but the two "of"s makes it sound a bit odd. "sort of breath of" is slightly awkward in terms of language dimension. Nothing major, though, just my opinion about it. I like your subtle rhyme scheme though - it gives your poem a "freer" sense, as in, you're not bound by the direct ABAB pattern. Nice work. (: