Reviews for Laundry Days
morphine and lollipops chapter 1 . 3/8/2010
Haunting. Interesting concept. Beautifully executed.
MadamWriterGal chapter 1 . 11/17/2008
I liked that the poem followed a similar rhythm as a laundry machine when it is turning the clothes. Very nice effect! I like the poem a lot. It had very powerful lines and great imagery.
Avide chapter 1 . 9/29/2008
"And just because we smelled innocent, doesn't mean we were".

A very attention-grabbing line. I think it's great for an ending.
MissNyah chapter 1 . 5/2/2008
I'm about to graduate from a place full of laundry rooms. This felt familiar and dangerous. Loved the imagery and the smatterings of rhyme.
no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 3/14/2008
Damn, good stuff. I love that third stanza - I cannot use religious imagery well for the life of me, so it's fantastic to see some that is used well. I also really like the sound of the line "my body a nexus between transgression," even if I'm not completely sure of the meaning. Ha. It sounds really good. Sometimes that's all that really matters. Lovely lovely work. Keep writing! :)
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/4/2008
In the first line it seems odd that you used the present tense... I guess they still do smell like that, but I think past tense might fit in better with the rest of the piece

I really love how you use the sounds the dryer makes... that was a nice touch

In the next stanza their hips made it seem like like it was more than one at once to me... I might get rid of that word.. I think that still flows ok

awesome word choice in that stanza "sineater, nexus, transgression, and extrication"

the second line of the next stanza was really powerful... and the rest of it elaborating and referencing the religion was really nice also

I LOVE the last stanza... it ties everything together and that last line is just perfect and a great reference back to the beginning... really beautiful piece
Vera chapter 1 . 3/4/2008
That third stanza is incredible. "turned holy war heathen" is an amazing piece of imagery.
123454321 chapter 1 . 3/1/2008
'I was the pale virgin daughter you/ turned holy water heathen'- Great image. Probably my favorite two lines in this piece.

The words you use to convey this scene have a distinction all their own. Very, for lack of a better word, poetic.

In the first stanza, you use the phrase 'to seduce me in the drum-drum-whoop of the... ...laundry room' and in the last stanza you use 'our faults felt washable and easy in the soap air hum of clean'. These seem reduntant, not rhythmatic, because they are only in two stanzas.

The flow of this piece is easy to follow and seems almost prose like. It has a sense of a story line, which I like (personally).


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