|Reviews for Hot Blooded|
| Odi et amo chapter 1 . 2/4/2009
Sound interesting thus far.
| Harmonic Discord chapter 1 . 7/1/2008
First off, I liked the ideas you've introduced here. The idea of vampire offspring being human is really original and captured my interest. Your writing style is fluid and fairly easy to follow - nicely done.
I feel like the first section of this is a bit long. I don't know if you need to include EVERY detail about vampires right off the bat. What about allowing us to discover some of them as the story progresses?
There were also a lot of typos, some of which were included below. Also, remember - when you have dialogue, the dialogue is usually part of the sentence. Thus:
“Gladly.” He replied,
“Gladly,” he replied,
“Why?” He asked stupidly.
“Why?” he asked stupidly.
If you're still confused, there are a ton of awesome sites online that can help - just google 'dialogue punctuation' or some such...
I just never wanted to bare a set of two-inch fangs. - Think you meant "bear"
The vampires who inhabit the earth who are deemed brutal and bloodthirsty are mentally ill I suppose, to the extent that they were the kind of vampires who did not wish to become vampires and because of this they are trapped in a whirlwind of vengeance that consumes their entire being in hatred. - You switch verb tenses in the middle of this sentence I think. Also, it's a bit of a run-on - consider breaking it down...?
There are more good and calm vampires than those who are depicted so harshly in the television would. - "would"? Think you meant "world"
A vampire can not change a human into a vampire from a simple bit to the throat or anywhere else on the body - "bit" should be "bite" and "cannot" is one word.
That a vampire will melt away like the Wicked Witch of the West from Wizard of Oz once the sun’s rays so much as touches its skin. - I don't think you need "from Wizard of Oz" - pretty much everyone knows who the Wicked Witch of the West is _
Not necessarily human blood, although it apparently tastes better, but there are the so called “veggie-vampires” who feed off of animal blood in an attempt to save human lives. - *chuckle*
Please do not hate them for what they tired to do to me. - "tried"
I just never when back home after the after grad party. - "went"
“I’m Twenty One.” - "twenty-one" shouldn't be capitalized.
| Lorki chapter 1 . 7/1/2008
I like that this story brings in a different sort of vampire, a nice shift from the stereotype is nice.
"I just never when back home after the after grad party."
I think you meant to but "went back home..." its an easy fix.
| Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 6/28/2008
Aww, I like it! It's very original and catchy. Nice work. Keep writing!
Good luck with writing, this story, and life. Have a lovely day and a wonderful summer.
| KiraLove chapter 1 . 3/4/2008
Cool start. Makes me want to see what's coming up next!
| LondonLi chapter 1 . 3/2/2008
I'm so glad you're posting a new story. You have a great beginning, a totally hook! Thanks for posting!