|Reviews for Aches|
| Sexy Vampirechick chapter 1 . 3/15/2008
I like this 's written very part didn't really liked was with the repetition of -like on some you could find another word for it.
I liked the imagery that you gave,it shows that it was painful and there's nothing you could've done about it.
| Vanilla Tea chapter 1 . 3/14/2008
I really like how everything is described in this poem its great! the punctuation is good, i can't really see anything i would fix... you could italicize "it hurts, it hurts, it hurts," to make it more effective but thats just a suggestion. nice job.
| fatbird33 chapter 1 . 3/11/2008
i feel your pain, sista'
| greying blossoms chapter 1 . 3/10/2008
Great writing with the potential to go far. Since it does have that potential, I’m sure you won’t mind some concrit:
I LOVED the idea expressed in it! Such great word use ... "scuttle to the chair" is fabulous. Great last line :D
I love the way you can leave an impression in such few words.
Your summary, however, might need some work. While you might not be the best at paraphrasing poems, “…” or “pls R&R” or “I suck at summaries” or your story in the summary certainly won’t draw readers, even if it is the truth. If people think you’re desperate for reviews and not for comments on your writing, why should they bother to review it? If you write your poem in your summary, why should they bother to click on it? Describing – but not copy/pasting - the story makes people want to read it more. If you really are terrible, try asking a friend for help! It can only get better, right?
Thanks for the review. You could check out my rants, I think you might find them somewhat amusing ;D
| ibmc2146 chapter 1 . 3/5/2008
Such a simple subject, yet I and many others can probably relate to it. The repetition of 'it hurts' was effective, and the flow of the entire poem was really pleasant. The only things I don't like about it are:
A) Center formatting makes you seem lazy. But FP doesn't really allow any other type of indentation, so I can see why you'd use it. I prefer left aligned though, because let's face it: who on Earth would center format a poem on paper? Call me traditional but center formatting does not flatter poems.
B) Double spacing. Makes the poem read very sluggish at first glance. If you don't know how to undo it in the doc editor and you want to, PM me and I can explain it.
C) The capitalizing of the first letter in every line. Generally if it's not the first word of the sentence you shouldn't capitalize it unless it's a pronoun or something, but I understand that it's some people's style. I personally don't like it though.
Very nicely written poem, though. Good job :D
| Bobby Thrill chapter 1 . 3/5/2008
Sounds like menstrual cramps.
I like the imagery: 'scuttle', 'crab-like'. My only suggestion is to put real words into the summary.