|Reviews for Temperature Change|
| a certain slant of light chapter 1 . 5/26/2010
Love the metaphors in this. "the ice coffin you carved" is particularly nice.
| Chasing Skylines chapter 1 . 4/25/2009
Oh hey. I remember the first stanza from your "Unfinished" collection.
I liked the first haiku because you're using the sense of touch, which isn't used nearly enough, and it also lays out the background that would contrast with the second haiku. I liked how the second haiku had a contrast within itself, ice and fire, the old cliche. I liked this piece because of the imagery in both parts.
- Review Marathon, link in profile.
| Patrick-Henry chapter 1 . 4/16/2009
Wow. First of all, a vivid image. It's impressive- I don't know how, but from those six lines, I have a whole picture that tells the story of two lives.
I liked especially how it is, on a basic level, strictly weather...it made me think twice, and then again, about what you were saying.
The reverse haiku- I didn't catch it at first, but it's a very creative idea. The idea of extra syllables makes the ending heavier, darker...
| crazyman12 chapter 1 . 3/15/2009
Wow, i loved this. The reversed Haiku idea was very creative. I especially liked the last line, "In this ice coffin you carved". Wonderful! Your contrast between hot and cold was very affective.
| YouOweMeASoda chapter 1 . 10/29/2008
Oh... I like the contrast used in this. Gives a great image and feeling of the difference of what happened to the speaker before and after.
| FirstBloom13 chapter 1 . 10/4/2008
RM review no. 2.
O! I've never seen a reverse haiku before. I really enjoyed the haiku-reverse haiku format of the piece, because I think that it refreshed the sometimes overly romaniticized haiku format.
What I didn't like is the theme of the reverse haiku- if you were frozen, wouldn't you want to be melted out of it by fire? that part just didn't make sense to me.
| fallingquietly chapter 1 . 9/28/2008
I love the initial line of each stanza, they work well together.
I'm not sure about metaphor one, but I like the 'ice coffin' and 'fiery gust'. I'm wondering if it can be simplified even more?
| Counting Petals chapter 1 . 9/23/2008
Hello, RM winner! Here's your first prize review. )
I love the imagery here because it's original. I especially love the "ice coffin" metaphor because it fits really well with the "fiery gust" in the first line of the stanza.
| CeruleanStarGlow chapter 1 . 8/5/2008
I loved how you reversed the mood, and the sylable patterns in the two stanza's. I liked the second stanza better. The last line is really beautiful and meaningful
| smile for the sunshine chapter 1 . 7/3/2008
i kind of like this although i'm not really one for haikus. they are a little too short for me. if it were me i'd make it longer but it's still nice. :]
| Iccle Fairy chapter 1 . 7/2/2008
great contrasting imagery
| The.Wizard.Pen.Dragon chapter 1 . 7/1/2008
I loved the imagery and just the idea in general. I also really liked the action verbs you used (caressing; scorching). I'm not quite sure what the "ice coffin" was, but hey, most things authors say come way out of left feild! It might be a more apparant temperature change if "fresh" was changed to "cool".
But then here is something else, if I didn't have the sub-categories telling me that this was about hurt, I wouldn't be quite sure if the change was for the better or the worse. Or, in other words, if the couple had grown together or apart. I also like the close-ness that comes from simple uses the phases "my face" and "my body", it reinforces the romantic nature of these haiku.
But keep in mind that I am only one reviewer and you have obviously gotten a lot of attention for your poems because of your talent, so um ... run with that! I hope you conintue to work with your gift!
| the fallen loyal one chapter 1 . 6/16/2008
its a good poem but i dont get last line of the first stanza and the last line of the second stanza how does it fit with the others
| BlackestOpal chapter 1 . 6/2/2008
Aw, this is beautiful.
I love the reverse, it worked really well.
The last line was particularly fantastic.
| dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 6/1/2008
Congratulations almighty RM winner! Here is the first of your prize reviews.
This is a very beautiful haiku/reverse haiku, one of the best I've found on this site. I love how you have very contrasting descriptions. The metaphors switching from hot to cold really help the contrasting meaning. I had to reread this before I really got what you were trying to say. I like that. It's amazing that you can fit so much imagery and meaning into so few words. Amazing job!