|Reviews for Sisters and Selfishness|
| jenny1000 chapter 1 . 3/11/2008
Thanks for the review :)
Very powerful poem, it's really good. I love the metaphores you used - especially the "Smattering of white lines pasted as icing on the cake".
| shadowchaser0 chapter 1 . 3/10/2008
God, I can relate! I liked how through metaphores you really made the reader feel what you remember feeling.
| Esther Jade chapter 1 . 3/8/2008
I like the alliteration in the line - I want to scrub the scent, the sight, the sounds of them. I think it is effective and it creates a nice link to when you describe them as hissing. I also really like the image - eroding my ears with\\Septic acid. It's clever and very descriptive.
In the opening line, it feels like something has gone wrong with the verb as the subject and verb don't seem to match. Also, the image of the icing on the cake doesn't really work for me. I don't really see the connection between the image and what you're describing.
- Esther, currently reviewing for the Review Marathon (link in my profile page)
| Tranquil Thorns chapter 1 . 3/7/2008
I can relate! Only with a brother instead of sisters.
Anyway, powerful piece! My favorite line would be 'Insubordinate anger as my skin blazes pink, with a/Smattering of white lines pasted as icing on the cake.' This speaks of poison, of corruption, of that irritating 'sibling-itch' you just can't get rid of.
Because, well, they're related to you. /
Just a thought. In the first line, I think it would be better to write bitter 'tastes' instead of 'taste'. Or maybe it was just a typo. P