|Reviews for Minutes to Midnight|
| BethAnn84 chapter 2 . 12/6/2009
dude, you better be writing more of this :) I really want to see what happens to Allen and Rodge :) Keep it up :)
| BethAnn84 chapter 1 . 12/6/2009
FINALLY! Someone who knows how to write on here! You remind me of how I write, and that's a good thing! You had me trapped from the very beginning :) I'm curious to see what happens in chapter 2. I hope you keep on writing. Please read and review my work :)
| Alyssanya chapter 2 . 3/28/2009
Um... I'm confused; there is little else to say; I am confused. However, I am interested in seeing the fantasy element of this story; all that I've seen happen so far is a couple of boys doing some stupid things.
I think that you should be starting the actual storyline soon, because what you've got now... isn't it.
| Alyssanya chapter 1 . 3/28/2009
So far, so good.
I am assuming that the characters who have highly brief appearances are not important and/or relevant. However this is only the first chapter; so should probably not be Assuming.
Like I said, so far so good, enough to make you want to read on, but almost enough to make you want to discard it and find something better; you want to be careful with that I think.
| Sekine Hana chapter 1 . 12/8/2008
This is very good, and I'm really really awed by your ability...It is quite apparent that you are highly competent in English. Unlike most writers on fp, you constantly use literary devices in your writing like personifications and imagery, which livens up your writing and description of surroundings. You also use appropriate vocabulary, which is great. Few fp prose writers are of this calibre.
But there are a few minor errors around so you might want to relook your work and edit it. But yeah, that isn't much of a problem.
Plot wise, it would be better to have more things happening in the first chapter. Nothing much seems to have happened. But I suppose it's too early to tell since I haven't read the 2nd chapter.
Really wonderful work here. Will read the rest when I have the time! :)
| symphonynumbernine chapter 1 . 3/7/2008
i see that you've tried to make an interesting start to a story. However, i think your use of language grew too cumbersome for the mood you were after. Its great feeling to know the right word for the right place but i think you overdid it here. I feel the pace of this piece should have been much faster but your use of long sentences with large words really slowed it down. The overuse of vocabulary really got in the way of the telling of the story. I think you need shorter sentences with shorter words. You wrote "he grinned charismatically" well you know, a reader can tell if a character is being charismatic from his or her actions. So all you need is "he grinned" plus maybe some later descriptions of what he did. I think uses of the word 'absconded' and 'encompassing' was a bit too much and inappropriate for the mood you wanted to create. You've got a chase here yet the words are getting in the way of the adrenaline that's supposed to pumping through Allen's body.
So yeah, watch out for that.