|Reviews for Porcelain Dolls|
| Air Rey chapter 1 . 7/22/2010
Your theme is great. You somehow used the action in your poem to the setting you've used as a metaphor to an ending that gives the right kick of emotion and restrained. What I don't like though is the use of cliche with the heart and porcelain. I feel that it's overused. Although you've masterfully shown the cliche, it's stiull cliche for me. Overall, aside from the cliche, this is a real human experience that very much relates to everyone. Good job!
| Lea Ai chapter 1 . 6/5/2009
Wow...this is heartbreaking. Definitely a tear jerker!
I really liked your opening stanza. Very insightful. And you wove the metaphor well throughout the entire piece.
Your imagery was well thought out also. Especially the "glue still leaves a bit of space Space that reminds me of the hurt"-very recognizable image for anyone who has tried to glue something back together and I can just feel the pain seeping through.
I'm really not good at critiquing poetry in general because it has always "defied rules" to me-it's a personal expression. However if I were to name one thing that could possibly be improved here, I would say maybe a bit more punctuation. For example, a semi-colon would be nice between the two "spaces" in my earlier example. But again, I think that is a personal choice...and that is me TRYING to come up with something.
Beautiful poem! Every line was solid and visual. I loved it.
| Carus chapter 1 . 4/14/2009
Hi! This is your April Fool's review that I owe you :P
I read this poem once; stopped, then read it again. I actually love it. :D The ideas and way you've phrased things in it work so well together... I love the originality of the opening lines, and also the last stanza really grabs the reader and I think it's really emotive. Love it.
Something i think that this poem could do with is some sort of rhythm. The vocabulary you've used is good, and I am in love with the metaphor(s), but at the moment, to me, it reads quite like a story or a ramble of thoughts, because it a) has no rhymth and b) has little punctuation. That's all personal preference though, and I know I have a habit of over-structuring my own poetry, so if you're happy with it then that's fine too :)
The bits that provoked the most response from me emotionally were the second, third and last ones. I love the idea of us being made up of emotions :) You've juxtaposed these nice things ("trust/Comfort/and love") with the imagery of a glass heard smashing on concrete. It really intensifies the impact on the reader :P
All in all, I love this poem and it's going on my faves :P
-Amy/Karas (sorry if I rambled :P)
| Avali-San chapter 1 . 3/7/2008
Wow. I'm doing that weird breathing thing I do when I get all emotional and stuff. Which is a good thing, btw. :)
Anyway, this was really awesome. Nice wording, flowed beautifully.
Hope to see more from you and your awesome writing-ness!