Reviews for PHOENIX
Suzy chapter 3 . 6/18/2008
Hey shelduck what did i do wrong now lol, how you have put luke sounds just like him, but what i did ish doesnt sound like me, except i know im loudish lol.

see ya later:D:D
Hoodfabulous chapter 1 . 6/13/2008
l3g3nd chapter 3 . 6/6/2008
Haha nice chapter you have there, Soul. Hilarious, amusing, and interesting; especially the underlying concept.

Great chapter overall, and now you're tasked to update as soon as possible!

Happy writing!
The Crazy Talk Kid chapter 3 . 6/6/2008
Soul... you are a very, very, very, VERY... uniq-... speci-... weird individual. That being said, nicely done old boy, very amusing. And you say it all happened other than the supernatural stuff? You kookie English people.

l3g3nd chapter 2 . 5/3/2008
Wow this is sure intriguing. How you start the story and the first chapter with actions.

Interesting, Soul.

I'd like to see the next chapter when the real plot builds up. Hehe...So update soon!

Happy writing :)
Equilibrium chapter 2 . 3/22/2008
WHY didn't I know about this new story? *bashes head against wall repeatedly*

Well, this was really nice. I like where the story is going even though you haven't really built up the plot yet. The action is great, and interspersed with humour. But there are quite a few spelling errors scattered about.

Something that I found a bit odd was the tone in the first chapter. One expects a computer (?) to be formal and purely informative, so phrases like "As if this wasn’t enough", "pretty much", and "it's like" sound out-of-place.

But other than that... keep up the good work! I'll be looking forward to more.
Terrance Riverdarb chapter 2 . 3/15/2008
"...the bark was a diseased looking black in colour ..." - could be better.

As a mattaer of fact, a lot of what is written could be better. I'm not saying it should be perfect or anything, a lot of your sentence constructs are too complicated.

You don't seem to have any issue with Spelling or Grammar, congrats on that.

All in all the story sort of lacks any sort of intrigue for me. I suppose it's the elaborate use of code names that turned me off. Good luck though.
Auruhan chapter 2 . 3/15/2008
This story obviously has a good pl0t. But Im sorry, I think it has absolutely no originality. I've read this kind of writing before, like in Matthew reill's books, so Im sorry, but the originality is absolutely appauling.

Its a good story though, dont get me wrong. Oh, and a tip, try make the pace go faster, that way, if you suddenly slow it down, people will still be on the accelerator and want to read more.

Nice vocab. And I defintely want to read more, but please, try something new. Oh, yeah chapter one was supposed to be formal, but I found some of it quite informal, when you said "And as if that wasnt enough..."

Anyway, great story, dont feel down about all my bad comments, its just a bit of constructive crticicm. Your knowledge is spectacular by the way.

Anyway, been typing too long, good story, and good luck on your writing, I'll e looking forward to the rest

Auruhan chapter 1 . 3/14/2008
PrettiestWretchedWhore chapter 2 . 3/14/2008
Omg Shelly your story is incredibly sexy! Oh no, I told all your fan girls your nickname! (Or perhaps I am the only one? Most dedicated for sure!) I love it, especially "Freeze!" "I never liked ice." :P

Good description and style, this might be some of your best stuff!

btw you spelt "casually" and "damn" wrong.

You're my hero!
Stubert chapter 2 . 3/14/2008
Its good i like how you've written it from all there points of perspective its like in Heroes
xEutopiax chapter 2 . 3/14/2008

This was interesting definitely. I liked how you separated what each of them were doing with the lines, yet corresponded them to what each other was saying.

But perhaps you might want to put a bit more information about who they are going after, and why.

Good Work!

Kaiyako K.
Vnf chapter 2 . 3/13/2008
Very interesting write more
The Five chapter 2 . 3/13/2008
Great so far. There were a few minor errors but overall it was very well written. But I didn't quite understand, were the orange blobs just what they saw? As in were they wearing special goggles or something so humans look like that or is there another explanation?

The Crazy Talk Kid chapter 2 . 3/13/2008
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