|Reviews for The Heart of Six Worlds|
| fusionbeam chapter 12 . 4/14/2008
nice so far but the ending of the chapter seems to be lacking something can't quite put my finger on it
| fusionbeam chapter 7 . 3/26/2008
this is developing nicely keep it up
| fusionbeam chapter 1 . 3/26/2008
the last story is good and so far so is this one :)
| Lithal Fin chapter 2 . 3/12/2008
First of all, I love the story. At times it's a bit confusing to me, but otherwise I think it's grand. Please continue it, because I'm adding it to my story alerts. I love your vocabulary; I tire of people using too simple of words in their stories. I'm also loving the fact that you actually can spell and have proper grammar. It's a real gift, because I've found people these days don't particularly care, even though they "love" writing. (I'm probably to blame a lot too. It's what happens when you myspace.)
Simon's parts seem a little prolonged, and I encourage you to shorten them a bit. It gets a bit confusing when you switch people in midchapter, and I think you could probably put a little ~ or something to notify the reader of a change in povs.
The first chapter could probably use a bit of work, because it's one of the most essential parts of the book. Simplifying it would make it easier on your readers.
I also recommend that you read, rent, buy, or find means of getting The Writer's Little Helper By James V. Smith, Jr.. It really helped me with my writing, and I found it was well worth the $20 I spent. It probably saved my book. Even though your writing is probably (so) much (much!) better than the condition of mine when I got it, I still think you would find it useful. And if nothing else, it's quite funny.
~Love from Lithal