|Reviews for Waiting for the Faeries|
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 3/12/2008
I like this piece a lot, but there were a few things
The second line seemed a bit too short.
She’s waiting for the miracle/The soft buzzing of the wings... there needs to be a comma between those two sentences
That little laugh and sparkle/That the little faeries sing... I'd get rid of the second that or change the first one to the or the second one to which to avoid two thats
The sun is slowly melting,/Like butter in the heat. i love that simile it's really fitting and original
Yet still she waits, hands tucked in gloves,.. that line seemed a bit too long. Plus I don't think you really need yet and still
Anyhow other than those grammary type things the piece was beautiful.. the rhyming flowed really well and I like the ending a lot it's so sweet. I also found the repetition to be really nice.
| Thenardier chapter 1 . 3/12/2008
This is extremely magical, and the rhyme scheme here was absolutely perfect. I also adore the imagery present. However, one way to improve is to watch the syllable count in each line. Making them more uniformed is a good way to make the poem flow more easily. I think this is something you could try working on as it seems to be present in your other works. Other than that, a great job.
| Nemonus chapter 1 . 3/11/2008
So sad, so picturesque. I (am) feel for the little girl! I like "yellow yolk" for the sun; very good. Nice flow.
| Time To Change chapter 1 . 3/10/2008
Was it a ballad?
I really enjoyed the rhythm and repetition in this poem. I like the sense of nostalgia and how sleep seems to just creep up on the little girl.
In the second stanza I felt "That the little faeries sing" didn't quite make sense with the rest of the verse. It might sound better as "That little laugh and sparkle/with which the faeries sing." I'm not sure. Maybe look back over it and see what you think.
Really beautiful piece, well done.