Reviews for Pool Parties
SickButPretty chapter 1 . 3/11/2008
I liked this. It goes from the romanticised aspect of being drunk, the relaxation and inibition the reality of being out of control and what can happen. Some nice phrases, especially like the one about the heart beat.

I'm returning a review, by the way, so you don't need to thank me ; )
yanz chapter 1 . 3/11/2008
[ review game ]

I like the final verdict at the end of the poem - "they're all just too drunk to care" - and overall I liked the smooth continuous line of words. For me, though, this poem is a little too "messy"? If you get what I mean - so many things going on at once, almost more like it's in a story format than a poem. But I enjoyed reading this.
Esther Jade chapter 1 . 3/10/2008
Review game!

I like the way you used enjambed lines - you really used them the way they should be used: to draw the reader in. I also liked the way you used colons and dashes - again, just the way they should be (colons to introduce, dashes for asides).

I thought "wobbles" should rather be "wobbling". "Wobbles" sounds line it's the wrong register plus wobbling is the more correct part of speech to use. Also, I thought you could possibly put in stanzas - it feels like theirs there different stages to the poem (drinking, dancing, driving). But it's not strictly necessary.

Oh, and I loved your ending. Twists at the end is my favourite thing in poetry, where the author just brings it all together at the end!
a certain slant of light chapter 1 . 3/10/2008
Very nice, very realistic, very tragic. You know, I've noticed that all your poems (don't argue with me on that ;P) are very realistic. I love it.