|Reviews for Contentment|
| ukrgrl chapter 1 . 11/4/2008
aw such sweet story :)
| xXKirariXx chapter 1 . 9/6/2008
Nice one-shot. :) Thirty four years, huh? Wow. Most people these days really don't make it that far. The first line really caught my attention - for a moment there I thought I had read the genres wrong and it was some kind of tragedy.
But anyway, this was cute. It really gives certain people hope that love can last that long. :)
| asylum writer chapter 1 . 5/6/2008
RM prize review!
Very cute. I like this.
Good opening - the gunmen catch the reader's attention, because it's not immediately obvious that it's on TV.
Nice job with making it sound like an older woman was narrating. The characters were believable, and it definitely didn't seem like an older person's story from a younger person's point of view.
"I chose shopping." - I know you mentioned shopping earlier, but it seems randomly thrown in. The roses arrive, the "three" thing is in there, she reminisces... and then a single sentence about shopping.
A few punctuation things...
“Stuff” I responded curtly. - comma after 'stuff'.
“Celia” his voice echoed - a period after 'Celia' and capitalize 'his'.
“Thanks love” he grinned like a little boy - could probably be a comma or a period, but it needs something.
I kissed his ear and whispered. “Happy Anniversary.” - I think the period after 'whispered' should be a comma.
I feel like every time he calls her 'love' there should be a comma before it, but maybe that's just me.
Good job, and congrats on the Review Marathon!
| Fractured Illusion chapter 1 . 5/5/2008
Okay, so I've noticed this about you and your dialog: you are like deadly serious about avoiding using "said". But that is folly of the Satan! And of the Hitler! And spandex! Dialog should, as a rule, have a "said". If you wish to have another thing than said, there needs to be a reason for it. Usually, what you trade for the "said" is portrayed (or is supposed to be portrayed) in the dialog itself. Example:
"“Can we please watch something less violent?” I complained loudly."
It is apparent by the dialog she is complaining. We already have her covering her ears and watching in horror. Us readers aren't expecting her to be delirious with joy :p
"and gave me something different to do. Answer the door."
Well, it's quite obvious she's gonna answer the door, and since I didn't get any sarcastic/funny vibes from it, how about cutting off the last line a la excessive meat fashion? :p
"and we were comfortable.
I chose shopping."
Wait what? She is talking about her sons and then all of a sudden we get into the subject of shopping...out of nowhere.. It didn't flow. Choppy delivery, m'dear. I think you need to build it up a bit. You did mention shopping previously, but that was half a monologue ago.
"And he did."
Huh? *thinks* :O ew! Old people sex! Nastah!
But cute ;
I think your title fits pretty well with the overall-ness of the story. They're not delirious with happiness and they're not walking on eggshells in dread. They're content, as they should be. Totally cute with the flowers. Aww. :) Now I want roses too.
| Menginpeh chapter 1 . 3/30/2008
You're right, I did like it. Good job. Thanks.
| xEutopiax chapter 1 . 3/20/2008
I really like this one-shot, good work writing it.
“Stuff” I responded curtly.
-Comma after "Stuff"
“Good night love.” He kissed my cheek.
-Period should be comma. "He" should be with a lowercase h.
End Grammar Stuff
Well, I really like the idea of this, I haven't actually seen it around very much and I think it's cute. Even after so many years of marriage a couple that still love each other, also I think the title sums up the story. So good work with that.
Well, Keep Up The Good Work!
| LiME-GREEN-CAPES chapter 1 . 3/16/2008
aw, cute! :]
| LiL PiNk 9o chapter 1 . 3/15/2008
So that was really sweet
I have seen many stories Like it and I enjoyed it
| vanilla skyy chapter 1 . 3/15/2008
A-A-A-H-H-H! This is so great I can't begin to tell you how much. Seriously. Well-written, slightly humorous, and touching. It's everything I dream of someday. "Grow old with me, the best is yet to come."
| Midnight Adrenaline chapter 1 . 3/11/2008
Another cute romantic story. Love it.
| Mamsephet chapter 1 . 3/11/2008
i really like this, it has a nice feel to it. You're style of writing is interesting to read as well . Keep up the good work.